Dystopia
by Natarii-loves-Chocolate-milk
Summary: I'll do anything to keep Natsume alive Ruka! Anything, even kill you!" - Mikan knew the world was not a rosy place, but Natsume and Ruka had to find out the hard way; in Gakuen Alice, only the strong survive, and the strong have no use for morals.
1. Guardian Angel

_I will never let you fall__  
I'll stand up with you forever__  
I'll be there for you through it all  
Even if saving you sends me to heaven_

I had never been the type to socialize much. In fact I usually avoided company altogether. I could only stand family members for a certain amount of time to be honest. Not that I didn't care about them; it was definitely the opposite. I was just bad at making anything remotely resembling a conversation.

Not to mention my anti-social persona did not sit to well with the kids at my school. Apparently, it unnerved them enough for several fights to beak out, not that my father was suprised much. I could tell by the look on his face whe the school called him in to 'discuss my disruptive behavior' that he had seen it coming. I asked if he was mad and he just said

"_It was going to happen sooner or later. I'm just glad you didn't break any of their bones"_ The fact he was more worried about the other kids rather than me didn't upset me in the slightest. I had been taking self-defence classes for 3 years at that point.

I met Ruka when I was about 7 years old. Over the years, the idiots at my school had learned that going after me was not going to bother me in the slightest. So hoping to keep their bones intact, they went after my sister.  
Big no-no.

To say I was overprotective of Aoi was an understatement. Years later when Aoi was supposed to go on her first date, it wasn't our father who was reluctant to let her leave the house.  
I took that job.

So it was during one of these fights to protect my sisters virtue (alright that might be going a bit far but I wasn't going to take my chances with those bastards), that I met Ruka.

He looked like a pansy, to be blunt. He was regular prince charming; with the blonde hair and blue eyes. That's what Aoi thought at the time anyway. I just though he looked like a pansy  
Then he punched one of the bastards hard enough to send him flying into a nearby wall.

He informed me he had seen what had happened and didn't think it was fair for me to be fighting of such a large group by myself.  
I told him to mind his own beeswax.  
He said your welcome.

After that we were inseparable. This was something my father found hilarious. Apparently the fact I was actually taking to another humanoid life form instead of beating them up or screaming curses at them was something funny.

I asked him if he'd taken a time trip to his hippy days and gotten high on weed again.

He just laughed at me and tapped his nose that way people do when they say 'that's for me to know and you to find out' I've yet to find out if he had or not. We were pretty happy for a few years. By the time we were eight; two new additions to our little group came along.

Mikan and Hotaru both went to different schools than me and Ruka, so we didn't know much about them and only saw them on weekends or a few days after school.

* * *

Mikan was a cheery girl, who always wore pig-tails and polka-dotted underwear, earning her the nickname Polka dots. I know so because she was too clumsy to be considered simply accident prone. She was constantly tripping over thin air. And because she didn't seem to own a single pair of trousers her skirt always got flipped. I always had a small heart attack every time she tripped over her own feet, not that she ever knew that.

From what little she told us about her life at home we knew she was an orphan, at least she'd never known her parents. She lived with an old man she called grandpa. We never found out if he was her biological grandfater or not though.

Hotaru was Mikan's best friend, although at first we didn't believe it.  
She was rather violent towards Mikan after all.

Not a single day went by that Hotaru didn't punch the poor girl in the face because she was 'too noisy' or for some other obscure reason. She was lazy, obsessed with money, and food. Seafood in particular. She was usually the brains behind several April fools day pranks we set off, so we nicknamed her Braniac. After a while we did realize that the only person she even showed a hint of a smile to was mikan. So we finally believed the brunnete whe she said they were best friends. Though she was still the living embodiment of greed, gluttony, and sloth.

When we were nine we all seemed to develop certain… abilities.

Aoi and I were having an argument over whose turn to it was to wash the dog when her hair suddenly lit up in flame. As much as I tried the blazing halo atop her head refused to be put out. I began to panic and picked up the phone to call our fathers office only for it to melt in my hands, which were also set aflame.

Thankfully the old man came home to get some lunch at that moment. Once he'd calmed us down he explained the whole concept of Alices to us.

Over the course of time we realized we all had these little gifts be it ruka's penchant for talking with animals or hotarus knack for inventions. Mikan was always a little bit envious of us since her own particular gift was rather unremarkable, or it seemed that way at the time. Whenever she was around we couldn't get our Alices to work. No matter how hard we tried. I couldn't burn her hair; hotaru didn't understand anything to do with robotics at all and ruka actually reppeled animals - depending on her mood. If she was in a good mood. Everything was fine, they just didn't affect her, but a bad mood just made them null and void.

For a while we had a lot of fun using these abilities in our little pranks, but too much of a good thing can come back to bite you in the ass. As the years passed, I started having a harder time running and began to tire quickly. This soon developed into a sharp pain somewhere between my stomach and my lungs whenever I strained myself. Usually when I tried to use my Alice.

I quickly realized that my health problems stemmed my pyrotechnic abilities and made sure to hide the fact that my own Alice was slowly killing me from the others.  
Or I thought I did.

We were camping when it happened. At 10 years old we'd managed to convince our respective parents/guardians that we were old enough to camp out for a night in the woods nearby our village.

I was getting the campfire started, ater all you can go camping without roasting some marsmallows can you?  
It took several tries to get the fire going. The wood was still slightly damp from the rain the day before, and I'd been having trouble lately with my own particular ability.

On the third try I succeded in starting the fire.  
I also coughed up a small amount of blood. This would be the first of many similar incidents.

Luckily, or unluckily depending on how you looked at it, Mikan came back with some more fire wood at that precise moment. She instantly dropped the hunks of dead wood and rushed to where I was hunched over.

"_Natsume!" she yelled, I swear she could have made a deaf person hear._  
"_Shut up Polka, I'm fine."_

"_You're not! You're not even close to fine! It's your Alice isn't it?!"  


* * *

_  
I'd never expected to hear that from her.  
Mikan couldn't revise the 6 times table without having to stop and think or count her fingers. And even then she didn't always get it right. The girl was an idiot. So having polka-dots practically scream the cause of my 'illness' at me was, to say the least, suprising.

"_I though you were just getting unfit… getting overweight or something… but you started have trouble getting your Alice to work and I began to wonder. You were really good at hiding it, I don't think the others noticed but I could see pain on your face every time you used it… then I remembered what your dad told us about Alice shapes… and for a moment I though 'natsume has the fourth one…' but I didn't want to believe it…. So I just pretended you were getting lazy… but now…"_

After that little speech it occurred to me just how observant mikan was. Usually, she was an idiot. I'd seen her test papers and I knew that she was no genius. But here she was. Spelling out my (failed) attempt to hide my health problems in black and white for me. It suddenly dawned on me that all of her smiles and her laughter were largely for our benefit.

She was someone who was incredibly sensitive to other people and their needs. I also realized that she had always managed to dissolve any feeling of sadness, anxiety, anger… anything.

When I was feeling a bit down on the anniversary of my mother's death, she dragged me to her grave and introduced herself as one of my freinds then proceded to do what she'd allways done. Trip over nothing and scream curses at me whn I commented on her choice of underwear. We ended up playing tag in a graveyard. I completely forgot about feeling sad at all.

They were various other instances of such empathy I realized with the others. She completely erased Hotaru's anxiety surrounding an exam for a private school. And when ruka lashed out at everyone during his parents divorce she slapped him (pretty hard too since he fell on his ass rather forcefully. Mikan was anything but a weakling) full in the face and told him to stop being a jerk and stop petending. If wanted to cry then he should just cry. We would wait a couple of weeks before taking the mick out of him.

I realized that mikan had gradually become the emotional core to our little 4 man squad. We all turned to her subconsciously whenever something became tooo much too handle. Rukas little crush was painfully obvious, even if she couldn't see it. Hotaru was her best friend, even if she was constantly pummelled her for her inhuman noise levels.

And me? Well for the longest time I had probably been the male best friend. The one who contantly teased her; who drove her to the edges of insanity for fun. We had often even been rivals since no matter how hard I tried, I could never manage to burn her hair (I had never taken well to that) and she was jealous of my Alice. Her own wasn't considered useful until years later.

However upon realizing just how selfless she was, I realized two other things.

Firstly; Mikan Sakura would probably be a complete stranger to us if looked past her sunny smiles.

I knew hardly anything about her life without me or ruka. I doubted whether hotaru knew much more. She had once mentioned she had only seen her grandfather when he came to pick Mikan up from school. When she got into that private school she didn't even see him then. She didn't even know where mikan lived.

I had asked her about it once but she had completely ignored me, instead running off to a crepe stand. She'd had a sudden craving for the Choco-nana flavour. In hindsight, she had effectively and inconspicuously changed the subject.

And the second thing?  
I was completely and irrevocably in love with her. Skeletons included.

Getting back to the camping incident, I was slightly dazed. I was 10 years old and I was in love. Most of the time I had to beat the fan girls off with a wooden bat (why oh why did I have to take after my mother?) but here I was. In love with the empathic screeching idiotic mystery, that was Mikan Sakura. Therefore, it took me a while to realize she was crying.

"_Why? Why did you try to hide it?! Why did you keep using your Alice?! You knew about this, right. Then why were you making yourself ill enough to cough blood? To keep us from worrying?! Wouldn't that be better than holding your funeral…?"_

She sobbed harder. Apparently, she had been holding back. I was shocked. Even so, I pulled her in an awkward hug, which only caused her to cry even more. She clung to the front of my t-shirt hard enough to turn our knuckles white.

"_You can't… you have to stop using it… I don't want you to dissapear…"_

She sounded desperate. As if using my Alice again today would put me in my grave tomorrow. I knew that this was a special moment. It was as if Mikan was opening up to someone enough to let whatever she was hiding from us show through. So instead of answering with my mouth I pulled her closer, reassuring her. Had I spoken instead, I would not have heard her almost inaudible whisper;

"_I can't watch someone else dissapear… Not again…"_

For an instant her hand gave off a bluish white glow, different to when she used her nullifying Alice as we called it, it was slightly darker. It could have been a trick of the light, but I was certain I saw a flash of red in her hand befor it was burried into my shirt closer than before. I put it down to imagination since she was almist chocking on her own tears. I just pulled her closer in an attemt to both calm and reassure her.

After she had calmed down, she scolded me for hiding the problems my Alice was causing me, but it seemed she somewhat understood why I was keeping quiet. Most likely because of her own skeletons. Either way she kept quiet when the others came back.

* * *

Hotaru immediately noticed something was not right, she gave a glare that literally sent shivers of fear down my spine. However, she said nothing. Ruka seemed to pick up a strange atmosphere but brushed it off as the weather.

The rest of the night was spent in fits of laughter as we pulled of yet another of our pranks, something we had come to be artists in over time. We were nefarious for them. For some reason our parents (or grandpa) could not be more proud. After the pranks had ended, we ate roast potaoes made in the fire and coated then in an unhealthy amount of butter, and a slightly less dangerous amount of salt. No cheese. No other toppings. It would have ruined the simplicity of the whole camping experience. After that were the marshmallows and ghost stories.

Mikan enjoyed the marsmallows, but not so much the ghost stories. The poor girl was petrified.

The next day my father came to help us pack up the tents. As soon as ruka and hotaru were out of earshot mikan beat me into telling him what happened with my Alice (That girl is by no means a weakling. Her punches HURT when she means them). He said nothing for several minuets before telling me to avoid using it, and telling me I would be going to the doctors.

We went back to my hose where the others would be picked up by their own parent; however, mikan did not join us. She told us her grandpa wasn't up to the journey due to a cold; she would be going back herself. Hotaru said she would have her mother drop her off for a fee of £5 but she declined.

After theyd all gone home a got an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. I do not know how I knew but at that point I new that things were about to turn sour. I was right.

For two months we bareley saw Hotaru. When we did she lacked the harsh, cold demeanor that usually accompanied her. Instead, she looked worried. Not only that she looked angry. There were no problems in her life as far as I knew, and I knew more about her than I did the brunette. And since the only person Hotaru showed any form of care about was Mikan... I instantly knew.

Whatever skeletons Mikan had been hiding had caught up with her. Hotaru looked at my eyes once, saw the realization and gave a slight nod.

"_It's Mikan's grandpa," she told Ruka and I._  
"_He's in the hospital. I do not know what for but mikan said he had been sick for a while, she didn't realize how bad it was though. It's a form of blood poisoning, it's curable but… it's expensive"_

I knew there was more to this than what she was telling us so I glared at her. Apparently, ruka also noticed this because for the first time since we'd met the two girls...  
Ruka yelled at Hotaru Imai.

"_Hotaru tell us what the fuck is happening to Mikan! There is more to this and you know it! What the hell is happening to her?!"_

He also swore for the first time in the presence of a girl. No, make that the first time in general.

Hotaru looked shocked for a moment before she crashed into my blonde haired friend. She was not crying. Hotaru never cried. However, she was shaking. It was about as close as she was going to get.

"_She told me… they're on the run from some school for people like us… who can do things. They have a tracking system… And if you are on it, they come after you. That's why she never told us about her life or take us back to her place… She didn't want them coming after us either. Nevertheless, they've found her now… and they're saying they will pay for her grandpa's medical expenses if she goes to this place… Her grandpa keeps telling her not to listen to them and to make a run for it… But I don't think she's going to listen…"_

Hotaru wouldn't let us visit Mikan at the hospital where her grandfather was being treated. And for two weeks, we resisted the urge. But once again, I got that bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. Ruka quickly agreed when asked if he though it a good idea to go peek, just to make sure she was all right.

When we got to the hospital room... there was nothing. No sign of Mikan. Just the old man hooked up to all sorts of machines. I didn't have to hear his words to know that we were too late.

"_You just missed her."_

I rushed to the window and looked down to the street below we weren't that high up so I could see her pigtails clear enough. She was getting g into a black car one of those big ones that aren't quite a jeep or a land rover but not quite a station wagon either. The ones they but government office members in when they travel to big events like peace talks. The once that were reinforced and had those black tinted windows.

Beside her, a head of black hair was following her into the back of the car. Nearby I could see hotarus parents. Her mother was almost inconsolable. I took small comfort in the fact that Mikan was not going to be all alone in this new school. However, that's all it was. Small.

"_MIKAAAN!"_ I yelled. I remember almost breaking my vocal chords doing it.

She looked up and saw us half hanging out of the window. Ruka had joined me and was screaming after both of them. She gave a sad little smile and yelled up to take care of ourselves before getting into the car. Hotaru began to yell something to ruka. I don't know what though since I was trying to get out of the hospital to the car before it left.

As I emerged on the street, I was frantic. Was I too late? Had they left already? I looked around and finally caught sight of the car. Either Hotaru had had a lot to say to ruka or ruka had somehow managed to delay her. Either way I made a mental note to thank the gods later on.

"_MIKAN! HOTARU! MIKAAAN!"_

As the car pulled out onto the road I saw them turn around once. I too far enough to be able to tell, but from the way hotaru put her arm around her friend as they turned away…

I knew Mikan was crying again.

I watched the car drive away and I came to a decision. I was going to follow them. Whatever it took. I looked up at ruka. He was close enough for me to see the determination on his face.

He would follow me.

* * *

It had taken three years but we had finally done it. We had been found by the government scouts and were on our way to Alice academy. It hadn't been easy. Ever since that day when Mikan had confronted me about my Alice, it hadn't been as strong as before.

Thinking back, I had my suspicions that Mikan had done something to make it less powerful. That was the only explanation I had. Nevertheless, although it had weakened it was still just as wild and untameable. Though it was slow, it was ever so slowly getting stronger.

Several times, I found myself almost loosing control over it, something that took a heavy toll on my body. As such, Ruka now knew about my Alice being fourth shape.  
For two weeks, he had refused to talked to me.  
Punishment for not telling him about it in the first place, I suppose.

At first, we had no idea how to attract the government scouts.  
Going to the school directly was out of the question since we did not even know where it was. My guess was Tokyo but that is all it was.  
A guess.

Neither Mikan nor Hotaru had given any indication as to where they were going and neither had they sent any letters so we had no return address to use as an indication either. Eventually we settled for using our 'gifts' as much as possible. Well Ruka did. I was prohibited from using my own unless it was necessary.

About two weeks before the scouts came knocking on our doors we got into yet another fight. It began when someone made some unsavoury comments about our two friends. We both lost our tempers. Ruka actually managed to call a wildcat out of the forest where we had gone camping that time. I ended up taking my anger out on a series of trashcans. I don't think anyone has insulted either of them since.

Whatever happened must have done the trick (maybe it tricked a monitor into life somewhere), because two weeks later we were both sitting in the back of a car identical to the one that had taken Mikan and Hotaru away.

Apparently, my guess had been right as after 5 hours we fund ourselves being driven through the streets of Tokyo. Had this been any other situation we would have been overwhelmed by the scale of the buildings and the bright lights. Tokyo was very different to our backcountry village.

It took about 3 hours for arrive at the golden gates that marked the entrance to what we now knew was Alice research facility. Home of Alice Academy. That is how bad the traffic was. The gates opened and we soon found ourselves being driven to the facility headquarters to be registered as official students in the middle school branch.

An insane blonde man wearing what appeared to be a frilly, pale yellow cat-suit greeted us. I think both of us made mental notes to stay away from the gay-looking man. Narumi (that was his name, though we would never use it) briefly explained how the star ranking worked, how the classes were divided and the Alice type classes.

Much to Ruka's dismay, he found that the slightly frightening man was one of the lecturers for the somatic types (his type). I breathed a sigh of relief that I would not have to put up with his insanity for anything other than registration (yes, the infuriating man was in charge of making sure we bothered to turn up for school every day). He handed us two sets of uniforms and said he would come to pick us up from the dormitories at 8:30, and not to be late waking up.

As we got back into the car that would take us to the dormitories, I saw a man dressed completely in black leather with black spiky hair and a white mask. Just the look of him was enough to make me wary of him. Unfortunately, as I would later learn, he would be a source of constant worry and pain for all of us.

Upon arriving at the dormitories, we were taken to our rooms by some sort of robot. It was carrying a little girl who couldn't have been older than five. I had though that only kids our age, maybe a couple of years younger, lived here. We were ten when the girls had been taken making them about nine since they were a year younger… apparently anyone old enough to use their Alice was sought out and brought to this school.

My room was on a floor above Ruka's. We had been told about the star ranking and given own. Ruka got three and I got a special. We were both intelligent, more so than most. However, the difference lay in our Alices. Ruka's was not as strong as mine was. He was the type who always had access to his Alice but on a relatively low power level.  
Though he was better at controlling his than I was, mine was stronger - despite being suppressed or sucked out or suppress or whatever Mikan had done to it. However, now it was about a quarter of the way back to its original strength

I dumped the uniforms next to my suitcases that had apparently been brought ahead whilst we were being attacked by Barbie (that would be the gay looking man's nickname from now on) earlier. I collapsed onto my bed and slept, dreaming of that camping trip that seemed to be in a different world.

* * *

The next morning we received some looks in the breakfast hall. There weren't that many students in the middle school branch. It made me wonder how many students were in the elementary and high school branches. I looked around the hall for any sign of Mikan or Hotaru but to no avail. Ruka seemed to have the same luck by the downtrodden look that graced his features.

We weren't kept waiting. Barbie turned up at exactly 8:30 to take us to the school building to have us get our clas schedules and other official mumbo jumbo. That took half an hour. The bell rang as soon as we finished filling out the last of the forms and Barbie ushered us away to our new clasroom. Upon entering, my jaw dropped. Something that had not happened since Mikan had been around. Drawings were chasing each other across the walls. One kid was fling around stealing peoples notebooks. A blue haired girl was mixing up some volatile looking chemicals…

It was chaos. It was a zoo. I could tell this class overflowwed with pranksters. I allowed myself a small smirk. Ruka and I were going to fit right in. Upon sight of Barbie however, the rambunctious attitude dissapered and the students were seated at their desks in less than a minuet.

"_Alright class we have two new students us joining us today. I'll let them introduce themselves before assigning partners and doing role call. After that I'll be leaving you to the substitute" he smiled at the man with glasses tied to the chair behind the teacher's desk._ The man had an apple in his mouth.  
I was not surprised by the man's misfortune, but that Barbie didn't seem to care.  
At all.

"_Ruka Nogi. I have the animal pheromone Alice, and I'm a three star. Nice to meet you" _he introduced himself, revealed his Alice and star ranking as Barbie had instructed us before entering the classroom. I could see that half the girls were already enraptured by his appearance.

"_Natsume Huuga. Fire Alice, Special star." _

I did not bother with pleasantries.  
Right now, I was more interested in finding Mikan and hotaru. However if I was honest, it was Mikan I really wanted to see. She had always been cute as a kid. Shed even had her own small fan club (Hotaru had not missed out on one either). But I really wanted to see what she looked like now that we had grown up a bit.

"_Alright your seats are second from the back on the right hand side. Your partners would normally be behind you, but they are late as usual. You'll meet them in about ten minuets or so." _

We made our way to the seats that had been pointed out to us. Meanwhile, Barbie jabbered to the other students about a change in the class tutors for the technical types.

"_Now for those of you who were working with Jinno-sensei for the- Ah! You decided to show up after all! Hurry to your seat, you have a new partner-"_

He was cut of when the black haired girl fired a gun that some sort of air bullet at him, causing to land rather unceremoniously on his backside.

"_Shut up Naru-Gay."_ she said in a fammiliar emotionless voice _"you know we don't want…"_ she trailed off whe she caught sight of us. We had sat on the back of the bench to get a better view. There was no mistaking the raven hair or amethyst eyes.

"_Long time no see Hotaru!"_ Ruka waved enthusiastically at the stunned girl I setteled for something less embarrassing.  
"_Hi."_

It took about 8 seconds for reality for to dawn on her before she subjected us to the wrath of the air gun. I managed to doge the air bullets but Ruka want so lucky. He received three of them on his jaw.

"_Ow! That hurt! What was that for?!"_ he asked, rubbing his jaw where the bullets hit.

"_For being idiots and letting yourselves get caught!"_ she yelled at him strapping the air gun to holster peeking out from her blue tartan skirt.

"_What kind of welcome is that Braniac?! We've missed you y'know! We wouldn't have come if we had known this would happen. Right Natsume?"_ he used one of the nicknames we had given her.

"_Hn"_ I decided just to agree with ruka. It would probably be easier if I did not say anything for the moment.

Hotaru looked like she was about to get her air gun out again but a miniscule smile crept onto her face. No one else would have noticed it, but we could see it.

"_Fine. I guess I can be a litlle nicer considering you've came this entire way bunny boy"_ she walked up and hugged my blonde friend.  
"_It's good to see you too Hotaru"_ he release her and she turned to me and repeated the gesture  
"_Nice to see you Huuga, you still a manga freak?"_ she asked  
"_I guess. Good to see you again Braniac"_ I replied, using her old nickname again. Her smile olny lasted a few more moments before she regained her composure and looked at us rather sternly.

"_You two really are idiots. You have no idea what you've done by coming here..."_ she said, in a voice little more than a whisper. I looked at her in confusion as she sat down on the bench behind Ruka. At the time, I did not understand what she meant. But it wouldn't take long for Ruka and I to drop the rose coloured glasses that had been glued to our faces.

As the techers came and went, teaching their respective subjects, I could hear the other students gossiping. How did we know hotaru? Did that mean we knew Mikan as well? One girl told her to be quiet, to stop gossiping. If we were friends of Mikan then it would be best not to gossip. _'You know what'll happen if you get on her bad side' _

Hotaru's name invoked only slightly less fear. Those who were not wondering if we knew Mikan too were in awe of us. I could hear them muttering about hotarus earlier display of affection. Apperently the only people she would talk to voluntarily was Mikan. And I could guess how much emotion she showed to the brunette.

One boy, a mind reader, began babbling about us being childhood friends and all the pranks. I set his hair on fire before he got to the bits concerning the camping trip.

From what I had gathered, the two girls did not have the best of reputations; particularly Mikan. I had learned during the days before i met Ruka that you needed a certain reputation if you wanted to survive. The more volatile you were, the less likely people would bother you. I was beginning to understand that our two friends had enough problems to worry about, and keeping up a reputation was not something they were doing for fun.

Hotaru watched as Koko's (name of the mind reading boy) hair turned to cinders, though I made care not to burn his scalp. I turned my head slightly to glace at her and she nodded in approval.

* * *

She did not turn up untill the half way through our maths lesson. Jinno was going over some sort of formula the other students were finding particularly irksome. She didn't bother apologizing for showing up late. As far I could tell, she kicked the door open. Not that I recognized her at first. The black mask emblazoned with a red butterfly design made that impossible.

_"Shes back…"  
"She's wearing the mask…"  
"She seems pissed…"  
"I heard she tried to escape again, stole a bunch of files too."  
"Shh! don't let her hear you!"_

_"You're late Mikan."_ Hotaru said in a tone that suggested this was a regular occurrence. It was at this point I realized who she was. I think that was one of the few times my mouth actually dropped for one reason or another. I could see Ruka reacting in a similar manner.

She was completely different from the girl we had known 3 years ago. If she had noticed our presence, she completely ignored it - instead turning to the copy of Lala that she pulled from her desk. Apparently, my obsession with Manga still rubbed off on her.

_"Mikan."_ From the mention of her name, she looked up and glanced at Ruka and then me before mumbling something to Hotaru and reading her Manga again.

_"I don't know, apparently they followed us."_ Mikan was about to answer her when Barbie interrupted her.

_"Mikan, you're wanted in the hall"_ had I not been straining my ears I would not have heard him. Mikan's mood seemed to worsen. Hotaru's cold look seemed to become a sub-zero one.

Mikan walked out of the room again. She was absent for several minuets, during which we heard a slapping sound before she re-entered without her mask. As she walked back to her seat, I could see a red hand mark on her cheek, healing itself at an accelerated rate.

I wasn't the only one staring. I could see that manny of the other boys in the class were stealing glances at her every now and again. Even if she scared them shitless, she was still a good-looking girl. The combination of a bad attitude and good looks was enough to entrance most of the class. The only boys who didn't seem to be interested were the boy who had been reading my mind, a boy who'd been flying around earlier and a boy with glasses.

As I made this obsevation I also found myself with another question; why did Mikan have such a bad attitude? What had happened to her? Was she even still Mikan? All right, it was more like three or five questions but that wasn't important.

At that moment, I made the decision to bring Mikan back. I did not know who, where, or what I was going to bring her back from, I just knew that I was going to make her smile again.

* * *

_ **Alright, theres the first chapter. i decided to replace for those special peopl with this story since i had absoloutley no idea what to do with it after the first chapter was published. I might turn it into a one-shot and put it back up but im not going to continue it. Sorry! i have absoloutley no idea what to do with it. I have every chapter for this story planned. I even have most of the chapter endings done. i just have to do the beginning in the middle. the point here is i actually know where the story is going, so it will be easier to turn out a good quality story. All the chapters have a quote from the song that gave me the idea for the chapter, or fit to the plot. This Chapter has... (drumroll please!)......**_

**_Your Guarian Angel,  
By the Red Jumpsuit Apparatus._**

**_It's one of the saddest songs ive heard, but its got an amazing sound. Its slow, but its got that angsty-optimism thing going on at the same time. Not to mention the music is amazing. i love how the guitars sound. theyre not electric (i think... it might be a bass guitar for all i know.) but the sound they produce is amazing. I didnt pick the song to be played with the chapter, but as stated, the quote was chosen to fit with the chapter in some way (if you can guess what it is i'll give you a blueberry muffin. theyre yummy...), so you can play it in the background if you want. bUt it is by no way essential. _**

**_Now that my music fangiris finished ranting, in later chapters this is going to be really angsty. likereally angsty. I love angst! half the reason i wrote this is because i wanted to do some really good angst. I'm less than impressed with my other attempts personally, so this is my latest shot at it. As such i dont know wheter to leave this as a T (since i dont have the guts to put a lemon in this. im trying, but i get halfway through and my imagination dies on me) or move it up to an M. this is the worst angst ive done so far, but im not sure if its enough to merit a Mature rating. As such im asking anyone who reads this to give me their opinio as the story goes on._**

**_Thanks fo listening to my ranting.  
Rate and reveiw mis amigos! (is that spelled right?)_**

_**Natarii  
xxx  
**

* * *

_

_Next Time: Blue Bird_  
_  
"Bring the black haired one with you."  
I realized why he seemed so smug then, and began to form excuses, possible bargins and threats in my head. Anything to keep him away from Natsume._

_There was a quiet pause for several moments before a girl with the mind manipulation Alice broke it.  
"How big a stick did he shove up his ass today?"_

_"You forgot about Breaking three ribs and a laceration to one of your main arteries? I'm intrigued as to how you accomplished this..."_

_"Which of the new boys is your boyfreind?"_

_"Because the academy is not above using underhanded methods to get you to co-operate with them! I've been running from the academy my entire life Natsume! Do you think I'd just come here knowing what would happen to me if they hadn't resorted to dirty tactics?!"_

_I could tell I had crushed some part of him just by the sound of his footsteps on the carpet. They were slightly off. Natsume's footsteps were never 'slightly off'_

_He was halfway through the door when I heard it.  
"Night... Polka-Dots." I didn't hear the click of the door closing.  
I let myself crumple to the cold tiles of my kitchen area._


	2. Blue Bird

_You've yet to remember 'sadness'  
Just now began to grasp 'pain'  
Even the feelings I held onto for you  
Are only now changing into words_

As soon as I entered the room, I could tell it was him. I wasn't close enough to see his red irises but I could tell. Which begged the question, what was he doing here? Did he not realize what he was doing?!  
After a brief moment of though I realized he probably didn't know what he was doing.

Hotaru hadn't told them much when we had left. Moreover, it was not until you were already inside the academy that you realized what it really was. Unless, like myself, you were tied to it even before entering.  
Of course Natsume wouldn't know that, by entering the Academy, he had just signed his own death certificate.  
Let alone Ruka.

I ignored the stares and whispering as I sat down. I was used to them. It wasn't too hard to ignore Natsume. I just pulled out the magazine in my desk and began to pick up where I had left off. I could feel his gaze on me. The mask was not enough to hide my identity from him. That would  
have to have been a miracle.  
_  
"Mikan"_ Hotaru's voice entered my ears.  
_"What the fuck are they doing here?!"_ I hissed, low enough for hotaru to hear me, but not for Ruka or Natsume to eavesdrop.  
_"I don't know, apparently they followed us"_

I began hissing swear words that would have made ruka faint. I had been planning to recite the whole alphabet using the less than lady-like language but Narumi interrupted me.

Persona was waiting for me outside.  
I had a vauge idea what was coming, it had happened too many times for me to be surprised anymore. Despite saying that I could tell something was diferent this time. His aura seemed different. It was as if he was pleased about something.  
He said nothing like always. Persona was never much of a talker. Instead, he removed my mask. It was a releif to have it off, even if I didn't show it. The constant electrick shocks were a pain. He said nothing for a while before speaking.  
_  
"Bring the black haired one with you."  
_  
I realized why he seemed so smug then, and began to form excuses, possible bargins and threats in my head. Anything to keep him away from Natsume. I was about to retort when I received a sharp slap across my face. He must have used his Alice. I could see a faint black mark on my face where he had slapped me in my reflection on his mask.

_"Would you rather bring the inventor?"_

I hated him. I hated him so much. He was enjoying this. Watching me have choose between my best friends (although I sincerely doubted Natsume had ever been a best friend.) watching me agonize over who I should bring to the dark side.  
In the end, hotaru was the one I saved. Her worst fear was turning into her brother, and joining me in hell would do that to her. I could not knowingly do that to her. Natsume wasn't as fragile (though Hotaru was anything but fragile). And in a way, he had seen the darkness before. Hiding the fact your Alice was gradually killing you was not an easy task.

I walked back into the classroom. No one but hotaru could tell how my emotions were clashing across my face, though Natsume's stare made me wonder if he hadn't noticed it as well. I burried my head in the magazine again, ignoring the significant looks from Hotaru. If I was lucky (which I was not) shed eventually drop it.

Lunch came quickly. I wasn't surprised to see Natsume with the same lunch as me. His Alice was strong and he was as far from idiocy as hotaru was from going into debt. I watched the clouds float by through the window. It was spring, and I could see the swallows darting back and forth. I envied them.

After lunch came the ability type classes.  
As soon as the bell rang throughout the halls, our classmates darted off. Ability type classes were always the most popular. For most students anyway. I could see hotaru-dragging Ruka off to his class. The somatic types were stationed near the technical types. Soon just Natsume and I remained. I could tell he was confused. His left eyebrow was slightly lower than it was on his usuall frown. Apparently, he had not been told his ability type yet. Great, I was the one who had to tell him he was going to be regarded as a monster.

_"Hurry up."_ I said walking towards the door. I delayed as long as I could. _"Persona dosent like being kept waiting and wer'e already late"_  
After a moment, I could hear his footsteps echoing behind me on the hallways polished tiles

* * *

Upon entering the room, I could feel their eyes on us, even if I couldn't see them. It was not often we got a new student in the 'dangerous ability class' as was the public persona. Even rarer I should tolerate any male company other than Koko, Tsubasa or Yoichi.  
_  
"Mikan what class is this?" _oh yeah. I hadn't actually told him what type it was yet.  
I had just told him to hurry up. So much for delaying the inevitable.  
_  
"Dangerous. Or that's what you tell the other students, and that's all you tell them."_

I could hear the clogs whirring as he processed the information.  
_"Barbie never said anything about a dangerous ability type."_

Pft. Barbie. That was a good one. It fitted Narumi like a glove.  
_"He wouldn't. Narumi avoids it like the plague most of the time"  
"Barbie? Why? I got the impression he wa-"_

He was interrupted by the sudden appearance of several nasty looking ghosts. A variety of mutilated bodies and the like. I knew Natsume well enough to know thet it tokk quite a lot to scare him, so I let myself smirk inwardly when he took a couple of steps backward.  
_  
"Youchi. Call your spooks back."_

The grey haired elementary schooler emerged from behind the chair he had been hiding. I held my arms out and he ran up to me, almost knocking the air out of my lungs when a caught him.  
_  
"But he was annoying you. He kept asking questions"  
"It's alright Youchi. It's just because he's new. He's normally quiet. Get rid of the spooks" _I said, still carrying him.  
_"But…"_ he still seemed rather distrustful of Natsume.  
_"It's fine. He's a friend of mine."_ with those words, he immediately dispelled the ghosts, much to natsumes releif.

I fussed over the boy for a while, complimenting his impovment in controling his Alice. As I did I cold sense Natsume was about to explode. I really would have to give him a proper explination at some point. But now was not the time for that. I gave him a look that said; 'ask me later' and he seemed to understand.

The others soon emmerged from various places around the room. Tsubasa immediately glomped me. I allowed him about 3 seconds before squirming free of his death trap hug. It was strange. I hated the class itself, and what it meant. I hated our 'supervisor' to. However, the people here were in the same boat as me, so I found them easier to get along with than my normal classmates. We had a short reunion before persona arrived.  
_  
"Alright brats. Sit down." _He slammed a pile of manila folders onto the mahogany btable with a dull thud. _  
"We have about 7 new ones this week, and I'm not in the mood for hanging around whilst you argue over who get a week off work"_

We all sat down around the wooden table, Natsume following suit and taking the chair next to me.  
_  
"2 S-Ranks, an A-Rank, 5 B-Ranks, 8 C-Ranks and a few D-Ranks." _Persona informed us._ "The two S-Ranks are away-games. Both are attack types. The A-Rank and one of the B-Ranks are retreival. All the rest are escort and protection"_  
_  
"Nobara and I will take the B-Rank. We havent done anything above a C-Rank in a while" _Tsubasa spoke after conferring with his curly haired female partner.  
_"Fine." _Persona quickly agreed.  
He hated this part of the job.  
_  
"Hayate, Mikan I'm giving you the S-Ranks"_ He handed me and the boy sitting beside Nobara our respective folders. _"Hayate, you're going to Trinidad. There's a man creating a poison that attacks Alice users in the middle of the rainforest somewhere. He has an Alice but its nothing you cannot handle. I want it dealt with quickly and quietly."_ The wind manipulator nodded silently flicking through the specs contained in his folder.  
_  
"Mikan, you're going to Paris. A group of scientists have been experimenting. Unfortunatley their attempts to create Alice users arent going so well" _  
My eyes hardened. Alices were rare for a reason. And unless you were born with them or you were like me, there was no way insertion would work.  
_  
"The result is most of the specimens go crazy after a few hours. However, they have gotten a hold of an actual Alice holder. At least a 3rd shape type, and our reporst suggest they have actually succeeded in implanting an artificial Alice into them. Go in and stop the operation. Leave nothing." _I suspected as much.

_"What about the Alice? Do you want me to bring them back?" _He frowned._  
"I'll leave it to your judgement. If they seem stable and do not pose a threat, bring them back. If not…" _  
I nodded and took the folder and stuffed it into my bag. I would look at it later.

This went on for a while untill all the missions had been designated. Yoichi was not given any. He was still considered too young. In a few months, when he moved into class A, he would not be so lucky though. Natsume was completely ignored untill the paperwork was done. It was only then that Persona acknowledged him.  
_"Hyuuga, you look confused." _

And indeed, Natsume did look confused. I had yet to explain how things worked and what missions were. He looked like a bomb had been dropped on him.  
_"Never mind, Mikan make sure you bring him up to speed after the meeting is over"_ We never reffered to these gatherings as classes. It wasn't as if we were learning anything.  
_  
"Right now, I want a general idea of your capabilities. Nobara."  
"Sir?"  
"You'll be with his opponent"  
"Yes sir." _

The girl got up and moved to the part of the room that had been cleared for practicing with our Alices.  
Natsume was about to get up when I grabbed his arm and pulled his ear to my mouth.  
_  
"Don't hold back at all. Your Alice shape isn't important right now. What is important is impressing Persona enough to keep yourself out of his bad books. If he thinks you're worthless you'll not live out the month, got it?!"_ I hissed. He nodded and walked over to where nobara was waiting.  
_"Whenever you're ready"_ Persona ordered.

Nobara did not waste any time. She immediately sent a hail of icicles towards Natsume. He thrust his hand out in front of him and a wal of fire appeared, instantly melting the icicles on contact. Going for a different method of attack, nobara channelled her ice into her fists and went for a more direct approach Natsume let his hands coat themselves in licks of flame to counteract her fists. They ducked dipped dived and dodged before Natsume shot a wall of fare behind him.

Nobara had leaked ice on the floor through her feet, leaving a tail until it had gathered against a wall. The mini glacier hanging from the wall then pushed towards the black hared boys unprotected back in the form of spikes. Had Natsume not created the fire behind him when he had he would have been up shit creek without a paddle.

The after effects of using his Alice were showing. It was taking all of his will power to stand up.  
I almost thanked him when Persona stopped the spar. Almost. But not quite.  
_  
"Alright, a bit of training and you might actually be of some use. Have too do something about the Alice shape though… what is it with you brats and unlimited shapes? Tsubasa, find the time to train him. Youv'e got two months. I want him ready for at least a C-Rank by then."_

Tsubasa nodded as our black haired 'teacher' walked out of the door. There was a quiet pause for several moments before a girl with the mind manipulation Alice broke it.  
_"How big a stick did he shove up his ass today?_"

* * *

I somehow managed to get out of the clasroom unnoticed by Natsume. I made it back to my room in time for hotaru's interrogation. After every 'class' she came to my room and waited for me to get back and dragged the details of the meeting out of me.

Hotaru frowned when i told her of the mission I had been on 3 weeks ago. It hadn't quite gone according to plan. The words 'hadn't quite gone according to plan' here meaning 'abyssmal failure and near fatality'. I'd had the mask on for a week as punishment for that fiasco, after they'd let me out of the hospital.

_"So Natsume is a dangerous ability as well?"_ She asked munching on some prawn crackers  
I grumbled an agreement of some sorts under my breath.

_"I thought you stole most of his Alice during the camping trip?"  
"I did. Apparently Natsume has been eating miracle-gro for breakfast."  
"You mean like Ando?"  
"Exactly. Down to a T"_

I did this information at all. It meant I had probably stolen fifteen years of Natsume's life. And by default a few more, since his Alice had obviously built itself up again by sucking his life force away. That made stealing it again a non-option.  
There was a reason I had wanted to keep them out of the academy. I'd failed completely with that plan so I would do the next best thing; keep him out from under the eyes of the higher ups.

I could not get him out of the dangerous ability class. That was done now. I couldn't change it. Therefore, I wanted to do the next best think and keep him from going on anything above a C-Class. I could suppress his Alice with my nullification permanently but he would still try to use it at a normal level, which meant he would still be whittling the years of his shrinking lifespan. Not to mention persona would notice. I had to supress it somehow…

_"Hotaru, how good are you with Alice making suppressants?"  
"I made yours didn't I?"  
"The academy also tatooed one onto me, I don't know how strong yours are."  
"I made Koko's. And he's not in your class is he?"_

Upon arriving at the academy, Koko's Alice had been strong enough to catch the academy's attention. It also seemed to draw out certain aspects… things people ignored about themselves for their own sanity. It had been way beyond the normal levels of mind readers (thankfully, he had been an intermittent type).

My stealing Alice told me all about the shape and uses for it. They sort of seeped into my head, as if it was showing their stats. I knew Koko would be put in the dangerous ability class if something was not done. An unwritten rule was that everyone in the black ops would prevent other students from catching Persona's eye wherever possible (So far, I've managed to keep Koko, Nonoko, Yuu, and a few people from the special class out). Therefore, when I got this info hotaru immediately made a limiter. It took her a few tries before it suppressed his Alice to the extent necessary, but she did it. It cost me a fortune in crab brains but she did it.

_"Can you make two for Natsume, a bit stronger than Koko's one"  
"I'd charge you but since Hyugaa is also my childhood friend I guess I can do it for free"  
"Remind me to buy a couple of crab brain pots for you the next time we go to central."  
"Eight. At least eight. If you want two stronger than Koko's this is going to require extra effort"  
"Fine, eight."_

I smiled. Hotaru never failed in the art of extortion.

With a new project to work on she left earlier than usual giving me time to go over my mission. One glance at the folder told me it was going to be a bad one. The sophisticated wording was just another way of saying 'kill everyone unless they're useful'  
It had been like my essay on 'your opinion of the Academy' a few months back. It had been a glorified way of saying 'I hate you bastards and hope you burn in hell.'

The scientists, failing to create new Alices with normal people, had mover onto people with the third Alice shape. This was proving more successful. Unless I could find a way to get more than two or three people out with me, there was going to be a lot of unnecessary killing. The date told me I had two weeks to come up with a way to get these people out.

I stuffed the folder under my mattress and changed into some jeans, a grey vest and a black shirt, and some trainers before running out, locking the door behind me. If there was more information... I could maybe get three, maybe four more people out. And there was only one person I could trust that could get that information with out arousing suspicion.  
My uncle.

I didn't see him often. He was the head of the high school section, so he couldn't drop by for visits whenever it suited him. And I knew better than to just barge into his office whenever it suited me (the fact I am not allowed in the high school division is beside the point). As such, I limited meeting with him to after school times and only when I was desperate.

One of the most prominent times would have been my first C-Rank mission. C-Rank meant you may have to kill someone, it wasn't as likely as a B-Rank but it was not uncommon.  
I had killed 10 people just trying to get in.  
I couldn't tell hotaru. But I couldn't keep it bottled up either. At the time, I didn't get along with the other members of the dangerous ability class so I couldn't talk to them, and Narumi avoided the subject of the black ops like the plague.  
My uncle had been the only person left.

I'd climbed in through the window when he was talking to some sponsors from some Arab country. They had been very insulted when he shooed them out of the office so I could talk to him. He is very overprotective, and I was crying. At first, he thought it had all been because of a boy. He became grimmer when informed otherwise.

It took me a while to actually get to his office. I'm not supposed to go to the high school section untill I get moved there for school. So I cannot be seen. The cleaners know what I'm doing, but they turn a blind eye if they see me. Theyre nice people, they've even warned me if there's a teacher coming a couple of times. But if the staff find out they'll get into trouble so I avoid them to be on the safe side.

After infiltrating the building, I made my way to the kitchens. In the pantry, there is a false wall. If you kick it in a cetain place, it reveals a passage that comes out behind one of the bookcases in the headmaster's office. Tono showed it to me before he 'graduated'. He did not want me to be caught sneaking around the high school section.  
It took me about fifteen minuets to get to the end of the passage. Once I could feel the wood that indicated the back of the bookcase. I knocked 3 times, the third having a slightly deeper tone than the others. This told my uncle who was trying to sneak into his office. I was not the only one who used the passage after all.

I had barley counted 5 seconds when the bookcase was swung outwards and I was dragged into a bone-crushing hug. He dosent look like a cuddly person (in fact he normally looks plain scary) but my uncle is very affectionate to family. He dosnt hesitate to crush hotaru since he consideres he his adoptive neice, and her brother by default his adopted nephew.  
_  
"I havent seen you in a few months. How are you?"_

I considered telling him about my near-fatal mission a few weeks ago and quickly dismissed it.  
_"Alright, hotaru keeps extorting me, but that's nothing new"_

He broke the hug (allowing me to breathe) and gave me of of his stern looks that would have most people running away yesterday.  
_"Really? Then Subaru Imai was mistake when he told me you were in the hospital a few weeks ago?"  
"Ah… That. Err… I forgot?_"

Damn you and your big mouth Subaru Imai!  
_  
"You forgot about Breaking three ribs and a laceration to one of your main arteries? I'm intrigued as to how you accomplished this…"  
"I'm in trouble aren't I?"  
"No, but persona is in trouble. What happened? And don't lie."  
"Honestly? I don't know. One minuet I'm running down the hall with the damn disc and the next about twenty guards came out of nowhere and I fell of the roof"  
"You fell of the roof?! What happened to the teleportation Alice?!"  
"Have you ever tried teleporting while youre falling of a building? It's hard to concentrate…"  
"Don't get smart with me Mikan…"  
"I'm not! I really did try! I don't enjoy landing on concrete!"_

We argued for several more minuets befor he gave up and sat back down on his chair and poured himself a shot of whisky from the bottle he hides from his assistant in his desk. After he had calmed his nerves somewhat, he spoke again.  
_"What did you come for Mikan, you don't come unless I call for you or you need something. Usually important. So what is it?"  
_  
I briefly described my mission and what the academy orders were.  
_"If I had some more information, I think I can get eight people out, maybe less. But Persona only gives us enough information to get in and out alive without serious injury. I need more information. I'm not going to kill innocent people for no reason. They're already being used as human guinea pigs, and there's a chance I'll know some of them. I can't kill people I know. Unless it was persona. I wouldn't complain about persona… can I kill persona? Preferably painfully…"_

He laughed at that.  
_"Sorry but no. despite how much I'd like to let you. But I think the information I can do something about. If you don't get it by next Monday come back and I'll give it to you then."  
"Thank you."_

I got up from the chair I had been sitting on and walked to the bookcase, opening it up.  
_"Mikan"_  
_"What?"_ I paused before entering the passage.  
_"Which of the new boys is your boyfreind?_"

That had not been a question I had expected.  
_"W-What?! Who?!"_ I stuttered for the first time in months. The question had genuinely caught me off guard.  
_"Natsume Huuga and Ruka Nogi. If memory serves me right they're old friends of yours."  
"N-Neither!"_ I could feel my face turning red. Why did I have to think about that camping trip now?

"Really? Then why are you blushing?" Other than running the High school Branch my uncle's favorite pastime was teasing me whenever he got the chance.  
_"I'm not!"_ I felt the blush staining my cheeks deepen, this time from embarassment.  
_"Anything you say Mikan…"_  
I slammed the door and fled.

* * *

Natsume was waiting for me when I got back to my room. I admired his patience. I had been sitting in one of the Sakura trees listening to my iPod. Id ended up falling asleep for three hours; it was almost 11 'O' clock now. I knew he wouldn't be here for a social call when I recognised who had camped themselves out on my bed. However, his exspression confirmed it.  
I went about the business of making myself a snack in the small kitchenette. I felt his glare on me as I spread som chocolates spread on a couple of slices of bread.  
_  
"Ask your questions now or get out Natsume"_ I said, digging a few pieces of howalon from the giant box that was always present on the counter.  
When there was no answer, I turned and shot a glare at him.  
_"If you don't have anything to say then get out of my room"_ I spat. His glare softened at my sharp tone.  
_"I'll wait till you sit down"_ he said quietly.

I grumbled to myself as I shut the lid on the toastie machine. I turned to face him, leaning back against the counter. I fixed him a cold stare as I waited for my toastie to finish cooking.  
_"I said ask your questions or get out. I'm not in the mood for your ego at the moment."_

He returned the cold gaze but I could tell I had won long before he sighed in resignation.  
_"What was the emo-she-male talking about? What are these missions he's talking about?"_  
_"Missions are missons."_ Dear lord, wasn't this boy supposed to be smart?  
_  
"Were not in the army Mikan."  
"Actually, that's not quite true."_ I quickly pulled the gooey chocolate-howalon-goop concoction from the toastie machine and slapped it onto a plate.  
_"What's that supposed to mean?"_ Natsume asked in puzzlement as I slumped back onto my beanbag with my toastie.  
_  
"The dangerous ability class isn't a class Natsume. It's a Black Ops division run by the higher ups. If a student has an Alice considered beneficial to the academy, the higher ups put them in the class, claiming their Alice is too dangerous for them to enter into one of the normal classes. In reality, we go to war zones, on assassination attempts, body guarding, stealing information. Whenever something comes up that opposes the academy's ideal, or can't be handled publicly, were sent to deal with the problem"_

He looked at me as if I had thrown eggs at him, dunked him in a barrel of feathers, and paid hotaru to take blackmail photos.  
_"And I'm part of this… class? Do I have to?"_

I stopped eating and glared at him again.  
_"If you think we're doing this for fun Natsume, you are soreley mistaken. You have no choice in the matter. Moreover, if you are smart, you will not voice any objection about it. Not a single inclination of objection. Am I clear?"_

_"Fine, but why?"_

_"Because the academy is not above using underhanded methods to get you to co-operate with them! I've been running from the academy my entire life Natsume! Do you think I'd just come here knowing what would happen to me if they hadn't resorted to dirty tactics?!" _

I had snapped. Natsume was smart, he had picked up a few things about academy life... but he stubbornly refused to remove the rose coloured glasses he had glued to his face.  
_"You mean the blackmailed you?" _

Hallejullejah! He did have a brain after all…  
_"They caught us when my grandfather was admitted to hospital. They gave me two options. I could go with them, and one of the Alice academy medics would see that my grandfather made a full recovery, or theyd send Persona to do the opposite,"_  
_  
"They threatened to kill him?!"_

_"I said they used dirty tactics didn't I? If you don't want your family or Ruka to suffer you'll behave Natsume. Do whatever persona tells you. I have some advantage with the high school principal, so I can make sure that you don't get anything too dangerous. Hotaru is making you some Alice limiters, youre going to wear them. That way your Alice won't go out of control, nor will persona notice just how powerful your Alice is. You'll be off his radar for the most part. That's all I can do for you. If you fuck things up then I can't begin to describe how much hell you'll go through."_  
I resumed eating; I could feel him staring at me, anylizing everything in his brain. I put the toastie down, yet again, and met his gaze.  
_  
"Was there something else you wanted?"  
"Why didn't you tell us?"_

Okay. That was enough questions for one night.  
I was tired and there was no way in hell I was going to get into this conversation.  
For one thing, I had a reputation to maintain.  
_  
"You don't need to know that. Now get out of my room Natsume. I'm tired." _  
I made sure I put an edge on my voice as I put my used plate in the sink.  
I would wash it later.

_"But-"  
"I said get OUT!"_ I raised my voice on the lat word, slamming fist onto the counter.

If he hadn't got the message before, he had now. He stared at me for a moment, and in that moment i could almost see the rose coloured glasses being shattered.  
He had finally understood I wasn't the Mikan he had known anymore.

Oh, she was still in there somewhere.  
The fact I cared enough to consider going against Persona to keep Natsume off his radar was proof of that. Sure, I'd done it before... but never directly. I'd always stopped him from seeing a persons potential before he realized it. Natsume was different. He was already on the radar. I would be going directly against Persona this time.

But that was it. In his mind, it should be the other way round.  
In Natsume's mind I shouldn't even know what the DA class was, let alone have to teach him the basics.  
In his mind, I should still be the idiotic-but-caring innocent that I had pretended to be.  
That, for a breif moment of my life, I had been.

But I wasn't that girl anymore.  
I was corrupted.  
Twisted.  
Tainted.  
I had lost the innocence I had gained during our time together.  
I was not 'Mikan'

He opened his mouth, as if to say something, but decided against it. Instead, he walked towards the door. It took all of my self-control to keep my mask on. I could tell I had crushed some part of him just by the sound of his footsteps on the carpet. They were slightly off. Natsume's footsteps were never 'slightly off'. He was halfway through the door when I heard it.

"Night… Polka-Dots." I didn't hear the click of the door closing.  
I let myself crumple to the cold tiles of my kitchen area.

I would be lying if I said I didn't care about Natsume in a way that went beyond freindship. I probably always had. My faded memories of that camping trip were suddenly clearer than day. Watching Natsume coughing up his own blood had been the last straw for me. My own Alice had told me the fire in his veins was burning him from the inside out the moment we met.

But seeing the blood on the ground…  
Watching him struggling for his next breath…  
Seeeing him dying in front of me…  
It had torn me apart.

And that feeling, the one that clawed at my chest, the one that made me so desperate that he should live…  
The one that made me use my Alice...  
It hadn't mattered that using it would scream my location to the academy.  
As long as Natsume was alive… I would willingly do whatever the academy asked of me.  
That feeling was back.

As I shattered whatever hope he had left that I was still 'Mikan' and watched him walk out the door, that feeling came back.  
Only this time there was another feeling.  
One that made me want to run after him...  
apologize...  
do something to fix whatever I had broken.

I pulled my knees up to my chest and burried my face into the fabric of my jeans.  
For the first time in 3 years, I let myself cry.  
I had to use all my self-control to keep my self from running after him, but I didn't.

Because if even if I did, it wouldn't change anything.  
Because I was still Corrupted.  
I was still Twisted.  
I was still Tainted.  
Because I had still lost the innocence I had gained during our time together.  
Because I wasn't 'Mikan' anymore.  
I didn't notice there had been a fire Alice on the other side of my door until I had finally run out of tears.

* * *

**_Phew. that took forever. Its 3:45AM where i am now. that aint good. i should stopp these late nights, i, turning myself into an insomniac... anyway, the quote in this chapter is from...._**

**_Blue Bird by Ikimonogakari._**

**_For those who dont know, its the third opening for naruto shippuden. i love it. it fits the relationship between naruto and sasuke perfectly if you bother to read the enligh lyrics for the whole song (or what ever your native language is. And yes, im sad. i have the lyrics with the song on my ipod. people with an ipod touch will know what i mean) i know mikan is really OOC here(we wont get started on natsume), but i got her baisic wish to protect evryone in there, its very subtle though. this thing mikan has about not being 'mikan' and being corrupted is going to be a big issue for he later on. its based off insecurites the academy has given her, Come on the academy is a life sucking freaky place. no one wuld do their dirty work without some psychological issues popping up. look at nobara and natsume!_**

**_i basically tried to give her somthing simmilar to what they have. Nobara feels bad cos she cant make freinds. Natsume has this need to protect everyone by taking all the damage on himself. since this is a rmance fic i figured mikans little problem should be something to prevent her from moving forward with her feelings. it'll be clearer later on. and to anyone who thinks that mikan is falling too fast for natsume, she was desperate to steal his alice as a child. she probably didnt kow what it was, but she did know that natsume was important to her. Now that shes older i figured she would understand a bit better._****__**

So thats my rant over with now. Hit the reveiw button and you get virtual cookies. go on. press ittttttttttttt......  
Natarii  
xxx  



	3. Dance With The Devil

_Say Goodbye,  
__As we dance with the devil tonight,  
__Don't you dare look at him in the eye,  
__As we dance with the devil tonight_

It was dawn before she finally stopped crying.  
Part of me wanted to go back in, a big part of me. However, I did not. The vicious look she gave me had been a wake up call. Mikan was right when she said I needed to remove the rose-coloured glasses from my face.

The academy seemed like a normal school (or as close as it could get with Alices) but in reality it was dark and , it would not hesitate to dray a person into is shadows if there was even the slightest benefit.

In the back of my mind, I wondered how Mikan had turned into one of its pawns. While I could see her Nullification Alice being beneficial to the academy, it was not that beneficial. There had to be another reason. However, I did not dwell on this.

I now understood why Mikan had never told us she was leaving.

"_I've been running from the academy my entire life Natsume! Do you think I'd just come here knowing what would happen to me if they hadn't resorted to dirty tactics?!" _

Mikan had known what the academy was long before they took her away. She knew we had Alices.  
She never told us because she had been trying to keep the academy from finding us too. And I had foolishly followed her, thinking everything would be peaches 'n' cream.  
Everything she had done for me had been thrown to the dogs.

How was that for a kick to my ego?Here I thought coming after would be a good thing. That I would help her somehow. When in reality it was the opposite. She had been protecting me. I had by no means, in anyway, been of any use to her by coming here.

I did not see Mikan for 2 weeks after that. She had been sent on her mission to Paris by Persona.  
Oh how I wish she had not taken that mission, Maybe things would have gone differently.  
But then again, I could say that about anything that had added to the hell that were our school years (Would I have been so desperate to follow had she not been there when I coughed up that blood back when we were kids? If I hadn't realized my feelings before she left?).

Classes were far from boring at the academy. And not in the chaos-from-trouble-making-alices way. No, It was a far more dangerous kind of non-boredom. During the two weeks Mikan was away, I got to know the other kids. Or the ones that would talk to me. I

t soon clicked that the dangerous ability types had a certain reputation. Most people seemed to avoid us, and if they spoke, it was layered either with fear or with disgust. Finding people who would actually talk to me normally was no small task (and this is before we take into account the fact Mikan is my childhood friend).

However, find them I did.

Koko was one of the few boys not secretly enraptured with Mikan. He was the owner of the mind reading Alice, and tended to blurt things out that usually made awkward situations worse. He was also one of the few in out class that didn't either fear or detest Mikan. When I asked why he just smiled and said he was in her debt. I did not press any further.

The class president was also part of the Pro-Mikan club. How he managed the job of class president I will never know. He seemed to be too shy for the job. He was the pansy I thought Ruka had been when we first met, Without the looks. The kid even had glasses. He was the living stereotype of a class president you would find in a Manga or an Anime. He had the Illusion Alice, and apparently, he was also in Mikan's debt.  
Once again, he gave no indication as to why.

He did however direct me to the blue haired girl with the Chemistry Alice. I asked her, she fidgeted a bit, but eventually indicated for me lean closer before whispering to meet her at her lab. Later that day, when we were supposed to be in the ability classes I skipped out and visited her lab. She was still cagey but I got some useful information from the visit…

* * *

**"**_**You know Mikan's Alice don't you?"** she asked as she mixed two chemicals together with a great deal of precision.  
_"_**Nullification, right?"** I replied, stepping back a bit when the concoction made a large 'poof'  
**"Well, yes…"** she grumbled some curses id assumed she didn't even know as she glared at the substance in the beaker. _**_"But I meant her other Alice."  
_"**_**Mikan has another Alice?" **I had considered it a possibility but I had not given it much thought  
_**"****_You didn't know? Aren't you childhood friends?"  
_"**_**We only knew about her Nullification Alice. She was taken to the academy a few years later."**  
_**"**_**I see"** She squealed in delight when the sticky-looking liquid turned a purlpe-ish colour._

_I watched as she flitted around, taking various substances from a variety of containers. I waited until she seemed to have calmed down before speaking again. I did not want to distract her when she was mixing possibly volatile chemicals. I liked having my head on my shoulders.  
_**"**_**What is her second Alice?"** I asked  
_**"**_**Huh?"** She looked up from one of the equations scribbling down. **"Oh…"** She got cagey then. Like she did not want to be caught speaking about something she should not._

**"I don't know if I should tell you that… even if you go way back, it's not my Alice to tell about. Not to mention…"** she seemed to realize she was about to cross a line and quickly clamped her mouth shut.

**"Look, were in the same ability class so I'm bound to find out what it is eventually right?"** I spoke gently. If I were to get anything more out of her, I would have to be patient with pondered for a moment.

**"**_**Alright, but I didn't tell you this. Are we clear? I owe Mikan a lot. If she hadn't helped me out when I first arrived Mikan wouldn't be you're only 'classmate' if you catch my meaning…"** I did. Apparently, this girl had come close enough to the dangerous abilities class to know it was not a class.**"Fine with me. So what is it?"**_

_She glanced around; as she was afraid Mikan would show up. She bent close to my ear a whisper the name of Mikan's Alice._

_

* * *

_

I only had the name of her second Alice, but it explained so much. The red stone I though had been a trick of the light, the reason the academy were so adamant she join their little militia group. It explained why my Alice had suddenly weakened too. She was probably cursing herself for sapping my life out by accident.

I was organizing this information in class when Mochu approached me. He tried to give me advice regarding Mikan, warning me to stay away from her for my own safety. Had he left it at that things would have been fine.  
But no… He had to say it.

_"She's inhum-"_

My fist connected with his jaw. I was glad I'd gotten into so many fights when I was younger now. It had been good practice for beating the shit out of this little worm.

The fore of impact sent mochu flying into one of the benches a few rows behind his original seat. I quickly closed the distance and picked him up and threw him acros the room. He crashed into the wall before crumpling to the floor. He stood up shakily, he opened his mouth to say something but I sent my fist into his face again.

He fell down again. I sat in font, my legs on either side of his to prevent escape. I used my left hand to clutch a fist full of uniform, pulling his face closer to my own. I used my right to rpeatedly send vicious blows o his head and face, I used my Alice to heat my skin of my hand to a high temperature, something that didn't bother me, leaving burns behind on the boys skin as I dealt the blows.

I saw him, it was only for an instant but I caught sight of his long black coat. He had seen Natsume using his Alice. My Alice restraints weren't any use against high control of an Alice. I had made them under the impression natsumes degree of control was poor. They only suppressed an Alice when their snsors detected an Alice gone haywire from the wearers pulse.

Natsume had complete control. Of course he had. It sucked his life away. If he didn't have good control, he would be dead by now. I was an idiot for not realising the facts, instead of basing my work on the old Natsume; from more peaceful times.

I should have been more careful! Mikan had told me before she left on her mission to be careful of persona! She'd warned me! She knew he would have been watching Natsume! Why else would she want me to make him Alice limiters?!

I was oblivious to the chaos erupting in front of my eyes. He smirked before walking away from the crack in the door. Somewhere in my gut I felt the worry begin to form. This was the start of something that was going to rip us all to pieces.

* * *

After some time I stood up, gave him a few kicks to the stomach before making my way out of the classroom. Mochu had a broken jaw and enough burns to earn him a week in the infirmary. The class gave me a wide berth as I walked out. I had just earned the 'do not approach' warning level.

Ruka did not look too impressed with me but I knew he had silently been cheering me on. Id seen him move to punch the boy before I got there. However, his displeasure was nothing compared to Hotaru's. She was beyond pissed and had travelled into the realm of fucking murderous.

I hurried to a secluded location underneath the bleachers in the sports stadium where our P.E. classes were held before I turned to face her wrath. There was no point trying to escape it (it was impossible, even Mikan couldn't completely escape it) so I did what I always had when it came to dealing with Hotaru's temper.

Find somewhere no one can see me have a girl scare the bejeesus out of me and wait for it to blow over.

Hotaru's temper is not to be taken lightly. Ruka doesn't put up with her blackmail for fun. He does it because if he doesn't he'll mysteriously disappear for a while before turning up covered in chicken feathers talking Spanish dancing the Macarena.

Hotarus wrath is to be avoided at all costs.

Her face was the epitome of calm, except for her eyes. The slight furrow in her brow, and slight tilt of her head, combined with the hardness of those cold amethysts sent chills down my spine. She didn't bother to take out that freaky air gun of hers.  
I would not get a physical reprimand for my actions.

_"What was that Hyuuga?"_ she asked quietly. Her posture and facial expressions shifted slightly, eyebrows furrowing a millimetre more. Her voice was in that same quiet tone she always used, but I noticed the way she almost spat my name….

Dear god, she was going to kill me!

_"Well?"_ The folded her arms impatiently_ "I'm waiting for an answer Hyuuga"  
_Shit! Think of something! Anything! Just don't tell her the truth! She'll fucking kill you! She's going to kill you anyway, but the truth will result in a painful death! Think! Are you a boy genius or are you not?!

_"You heard him!"_ I retorted, ignoring my brains ramblings  
Idiot! You have doomed us all! Goodbye Ruka… luck after Aoi for me. Bye Mikan… I'm sorry I didn't manage to get you out of here…

_"He would have called her Inhuman if I hadn't beaten his ass into the floor!"_ She let out a sigh of frustration before massaging her temples. Apparently, I was still oblivious to the problem.

_"And? Mochu was being polite Hyuuga."  
__"What?"  
__"Did you think Inhuman was the worst thing Mikan could be called? Or did you want to protect her from the name-calling? Because I can assure you it won't bother her in the slightest."  
__"So what?! Maybe they'll leave her alone now!"  
__"Shut the fuck up Natsume!"_

Hotaru hardly ever used my first name. And she swore even less often.

_"You need to wake up and smell the roses. You have no idea jut how precarious your position is right now! You have no clue as to how much danger you're going to cause Mikan!"  
"What…"  
"Why did you have to use your Alice?! Did you not think the academy would be watching you?! Mikan warned you! I didn't make those limiters for the good of my health, though they're a fat lot of use to us now…"  
"Wait, hold up! How do I put Mikan in danger by trying to make life easier for her?!"_

I felt her hand on my face.  
She must really want to kill me if she had gone as far as to slap me.  
I felt the sting on my face as I turned to face her.  
The cold mask was still on her face, but only barley. She was shaking.  
I knew she would probably be crying if she were your average girl.

_"Mikan cares about you Natsume! And I know you would jump in front of a train if you though it would keep her safe…"_

Frankly, I want surprised by the fact that Hotaru knew I was in love with Mikan. I would have been surprised if she had not. What did surprise me was the catch in her voice. It was probably taking all her self-control not to break down.  
_  
"…and that all He needs! He will get to Mikan through you, and he will get to you through Mikan! They've used me to get her to do stuff before! It's only a matter of time before they come after you instead!"_

Oh, fuck. Really, why was I so stupid? Why had I not realized this?

_"As much as I hate to interrupt this little chat, I have a few things to talk to Natsume about"_  
Hotaru whipped round to see the figure I could already see. Persona was leaning against one of the pillars not too far from our own location. He had obviously been there from the beginning of the conversation.

_"You… You fucking…"  
__"You would do well to remember your own position Inventor, wasn't that what you were just telling Natsume to do?"  
__"I hate you… one day… I swear I will find a way to castrate you and ship you to some cannibal infested island without repercussions…"_ she hissed through gritted teeth, her fist clenched and shaking with rage.

_"You've said so before, however that day is not today. Now you run along Miss Imai, I'm sure you have plenty of work to do."_ she was about to protest when Persona interrupted her. _"What's this? You want to join my class? After Mikan had done so much to keep you out?"  
_Hotarus eyes widened in… fear?

_"What a waste of effort…"  
_Hotaru fled.

* * *

When I got back to my room, I found a note from Hotaru. I knew what it asked without looking at it. I also found a folder containing the details for my first mission/. After grabbing a packet of crisps from my kitchen, I headed out of my room with the folder in the direction of the Three Star Rooms.

I saw her coming up the stairs. She had obviously just returned from her mission. You couldn't tell she had disappeared for two weeks at all. She had not a hair out of place. Not to most people anyway; I could tell something hadn't gone as planned by the saddened look in her eyes. One that looked far too common for my liking. Other than that, she just looked tired.

_"You're back."  
__"Of course not Natsume. I'm just a figment of your imagination."_ she said with a slightly acidic tone. I would be lying if I said it didn't sting hearing her use it on me. I had barley said anything to her. Why was she being so cold? It seemed she had been pushing me away since we had arrived here.

_"How was your mission?"_ I asked. Trying to make conversation.  
_"As well as could be expected considering the conditions."_ She spoke quietly this time_."What happened?"_ I asked.  
_"They… they were insane… or badly injured. I couldn't get anyone out…."_

I reached out to lay a hand on her shoulder but she slapped it away with a loud thwack.

_"Don't make the mistake in thinking I need your sympathy Natsume. This happens all the time."_ She finished her sentence with a slightly bored tone. She moved forward to pass me, but I blocked her path, grabbing her shoulders to prevent escape.

_"Why are you brushing it off so casually?!"_ I asked angrily. She was talking about human lives wasn't she?  
_"Because it happens all the time. You can't save everyone, Plain and Simple. There are always casualties in war. This is no different. You just get used to it"_ Her expression never changed, and she retained her aura of weariness.

She gently removed my hands from her shoulders before calmly walking past me towards her room. I don't know if she heard my whisper.

* * *

_"You shouldn't be…"_

As I walked away from him, I heard the faint whisper leave his lips.  
He was right. I should not be so used to it. Nevertheless, I was. And it only heightened the blatantly obvious fact I was not the girl he had come after.

We both knew our relationship was more than friendship. It was just unspoken. And when I heard him whisper those words, it heightened my resolve to make sure that it would stay that way.

Even so, it hurt to walk away from him so callously. To talk to him so acidly. It was like taking a knife to my chest and twisting it around inside my body. My stomach churned in distaste whenever I snapped at him. It ripped my heart into pieces as I deliberately shattered all the ideals he had built around me.

I wanted to be the clumsy 10-year-old he had followed. Sometimes I would kill to be able to laugh without a care in the world as I once had.  
Laugh like 'Mikan' would.

But I couldn't.  
Life just was not that kind, especially not to me.  
I considered myself lucky I had be given the chance to see Natsume again at all.  
It was enough for me.

Besides, if Natsme wanted to survive longer than three months he needed the wake up call.  
Missions were never easy, and death was an unwanted norm.

Missions...

As thoughts of the mission entered my head, I collapsed onto my bed let out a sigh of frustration.  
Persona had been in a good mood. That was bad.

Persona in good mod usually caused me problems.

The mission had been fairly simple. Most of the 'test subjects' had gone insane. And the few people who hadn't had soon died from injuries they received escaping. Despite my efforts, there were always unknown factors that could make the best made plans go awry during missions.

I had noticed personas mood when I handed in my report. He hadn't made any kind of remark, as per the usual. He just took it and turned back to his paperwork. That just screamed something was going wrong somewhere. I had not seen much of Natsume or Hotaru since my return. Hotaru was normally waiting for me. And Natsume…

_"Natsume!"_ I sat up as the possibilty formed inside my mind.

Had Persona gotten to him?  
No! No! NO!  
He couldn't have! I'd been so careful to keep his Alice hidden…  
He had the limiters didn't he? Didn't that meant he was still safe?

I began to pace back and forth across my floor.

Just because Natsume had the limiters did not mean they would work perfectly.  
Natsume's Alice was volatile, and needed a lot control to keep in line. I knew that from the small portion I had. It caused me problems keeping it stable sometimes… What if it got out of line? Even the best limiters could be overcome if an Alice got to wild…

I grabbed my jacket and hurried down the corridor and down the stairs to the three star rooms.

Hotarus absence bothered me aswell.  
Hotaru was always in my room waiting for me when I got back from a mission.  
Always.  
Unless she was dying of Yellow fever, I doubt she would fail to show up.

I was about to open the door when I heard Natsume's voice.

_"…kill some guy called Neji Tachibana… what? What's Wrong?"  
__"Neji Tachibana? Are you sure?"  
__"Its what the file says. See for yourself"_

I felt the blood drain from my face the minuet I hear Natsume say the name Neji Tachibana. I begged whatever cursed god ruling my life to be playing some sick joke on me.

* * *

She was waiting for me outside her room. I didn't want to know how she knew I was coming.  
I probably would not like the answer.

She walked back into her room leaving the door open, clearly telling me to follow her. I had barley closed the door behind me when she started her nazi-like interrogation (or it seemed so to me).

_"What did he say?"_ she asked, not bothering with pleasantries. We knew each other well enough to skip them. Besides, it was not the time for them.  
_"He wants me to do a mission"_ I said simply.  
_"What kind?"_ she asked, as she paced back and forth across her floorboards. _"Tell me exactly what happened"_

I could tell by the look in her eyes she was worried. Not just about Mikan either, though it was mostly Mikan. I immediately began to recall the encounter as her analytical brain prepared to dissect every shred of information I gave her…

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

_**"What do you want?"** I asked, taking a step back.  
In the back of my mind, I was silently preparing for any sort of attack he could dish out.  
However, that was a lot, considering the shape and forms of Alices. And though I did not know what Persona's Alice was,  
I was certain it did not turn clouds into candyfloss or water into wine._

**"_What do you want, _sir**_**"** He said. His voice was deep, but it had an eerie smoothness to it._  
**_"Honestly, you children have no manners these days."_ **_he leaned back against one of the pillars.  
He seemed to examine his nails, but I could see the faintest trace f an evil smirk gracing his lips._

**"**_**What do you want?"** I repeated.  
I did not intend to show the man any respect.  
Until he glared at me. _

_I could not see his eyes because of his mask; however, I could not mistake the atmosphere he was creating.  
I looked down, trying to avoid eye contact with him. __The dandelion he was standing on became infected with a sick, black colour before dissolving to ash an instant later. __I looked at Persona, then the dandelion, then Persona, and the dandelion again._

My brain did the maths for me.  
I was in no position to be cocky, or brave, or just a plain jerk.  
_Persona was in a position where he could kill me without lifting a finger, or with little effort.  
__Moreover, the look in his eye told me he had no problems doing so.  
He would probably enjoy it._

**"…**_**sir?"** I grudgingly added the title at the end. Personas face returned to neutral.  
_**"**_**Good boy. You'll be a useful one yet…"** he said, smiling slightly. I found the smile more unnerving than the glare.  
_**"**_**I said you would have Tsubasa train you before going on missions. I changed my mind. You already seem to have the basics covered"** he said, his tone strictly business. His constant mood swings were not helping to calm my already frazzled nerves._

**"_You are going to a warehouse in Hokkaido. It is a base of operations for a man who has been a nuisance to the academy trouble for a number of years. You will remove the aforementioned nuisance."  
_****"**_**You want me to kill him?"** I was slightly shocked. I had anticipated this at some point, but not right of the bat._

**"**_**I don't care what you do. Just make sure he cannot cause any more problems. Of course, his death is preferable, but Neji Tachibana is not what one would call an average opponent"** He seemed to give the persona of grumbling. He almost spat the mans name. His distaste for him was clear._

**"**_**Fine. When is it?"** I asked. I wanted to get this over with as soon as possible.  
_**"**_**Tonight. Front gate. 11pm sharp."**  
_

_He didn't have to tell me not to be late.  
I nodded in response and turned away from him. _

_I kept a cool façade as I began to walk back to the school, but I wanted to run as fast as I could.  
Anything to get away from this… I could not think a good word with which to describe Persona.  
__I had emerged from under the stands when he appeared next to me._

One hand onrested lightly on my shoulder, he bent close to my ear and whispered.

**"_You should know failure is not an option for you, Natsume. Not if you don't want the little butterfly to be one of the guinea pigs for some drug research."_**

_Then he was gone.  
I let out the breath I had not realized I had been holding, collapsing to my hands and knees.  
After a few minuets of deep breaths, I finally managed to calm myself. _

_He had barley touched me!  
just a slight touch, the tips of his fingers resting on my shoulder for the brief moment in which he spoke.  
He was cold. Freezing to the touch.  
Like he was already dead._

_He had barley spoke; I had had to strain to hear his blatant threat.  
Nevertheless, I had heard it, the sick pleasure that coated his voice.  
Not only from watching me squirm, but also from the idea of what he could do should I fail._

_This man enjoyed the pain of others.  
Be it emotional or physical. _

_He enjoyed twisting those he considered nothing more than his gamepeices until he had sucked the life out of them, body and soul.  
__I barley caught these idiosyncrasies, These insights into what kind of person he was.  
__But it had been enough._

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Hotaru stared at me, horror faintly etched onto her delicate features.

_"Neji Tachibana? Are you sure?"_ I barley detected the slight crack in her voice. Seeing Hotaru's reactions told me I had just gotten myself into a rather fucked up situation, well another one.

_"Its what the file says. See for yourself"_ I handed her the file that had been waiting for me on my bed.  
Hotaru pounced on it.  
She flipped it open and flicked her eyes across the print at an incredible speed.  
As she did so I could see her expression darkening.

_"Shit… Shit. Shit. Shit. SHIT!"_  
she threw the folder into a corner of he room.  
It hit the wall with a loud thud, before dropping too the floor, scattering its contents across the wooden surface.  
Hotaru also dropped to floor, leaning against her bed, and head in her hands.

_"Fuck…"_ she whacked her fist against the floor in frustration.

_"What? What is it?"_ I asked tentatively.  
I had never seen Hotaru look so angry or so defeated.  
The frustration was a new one for me as well.  
I briefly wondered if Ruka had ever seen this side of Hotaru. He had always been closer to her than I ever had.

She seemed to know I would be a source of pain for Mikan one day, and vice a versa.  
Hotaru did not tolerate those who caused Mikan pain.  
She had always been somewhat cold to me. Never showing anything more than a cool, calm icy rock to me, and occasionally irritation (usually because of Mikan).

And here she was, looking like she had completely given up.  
I had no idea who the girl sitting on the floor was, but I was certain it was not Hotaru Imai.

This was why I was so reluctant to speak, but I had to.  
This was no time for either of us to have a break down.  
No matter how much we might find it easier.

But... what on earth was i supposed to say?  
_  
"You cant handle this guy"_ she finally spoke.  
However, it was not an answer I had wanted to hear.  
I had hardly been expecting bunnies and chocolate, but did she have no faith I me at all?

_"What do you mea-"  
__"I mean the last time Mikan met this guy… he almost killed her."_ I stared at her in shock as she continued to explain.

_"She was in the ICU for a month. I do not know what for, they wouldn't let me in. But when she woke up, she had a whole load of bandages on her head. You can see where the stitches were if her fringe is blown about. She couldn't remember **anything** for about a week"_

I felt like some sort of rock I had been standing on, that had previously been a very stable one, had suddenly become unbalanced.

_"w-what?"  
__"You heard me. And like I said, you can't handle him"_ she said, pulling her knees up to her chest, avoiding eye contact.  
Like she knew how much her defeated appearance scared me.  
It really did.  
Hotaru was always the epitome of cool.  
She never panicked, she never worried, she occasionally smiled - but only for Mikan, and she **never. broke. down**.  
She never ceased to find a solution to something.  
Seeing Hotaru looking like this scared me as much as Persona did.

I knew why she had suddenly stopped.  
She was remembering what had happened to Mikan, what she had seen at least.  
She had seen how dangerous this Neji character could be personally.  
She knew, just as I did, that I probably didn't stand a chance.  
However, Neji was not the only problem we had to deal with…

_"I don't have a choice though. If I don't…"_ I shuddered.  
I knew how much he enjoyed this, and I'd only met him twice in almost a month.  
He knew we would be trying to find some sort of solution or safety measure.  
And he knew we would not find one.  
He was enjoying the sight of Hotaru breaking into fragile little pieces, something she had never been.  
The fact she was not even one of his game pieces just added to his pleasure.

I knew he would enjoy seeing the results of my almost-certain failure ten times more.

_"I know"_ I knew she did.  
Easily more so than I did. She had been her since she was ten years old.  
For four years (we had just passed into the New Year), she had been next to Mikan as she was exposed to Persona.  
She had seen him do things I had yet to see.  
Things I did not want to.  
Hotaru probably suffered more emotionally from Personas twisted schemes than Mikan did.

Mikan had her resolve to put up with Persona. She had the resolve to protect her loved ones, her classmates, protect anyone she could.  
Hotaru did not.  
Not because she did not want to, but because persona would not allow it.

She was likely under pressure from the academy, like Mikan.  
However, it was a different situation than Mikan's.  
She also had the cool façade to uphold at all times, especially in front of Mikan.

If she cracked… then Mikan most likely would as well. Mikan was putting up with all this for us after all.  
If Hotaru lost it, her efforts wold seem like they hadnt worked at all.  
Just one slip and everything they had done to survive here would come crashing around their ears.

Add to this her worry for Mikan, and person had a gamepeice that was easy to twist to his sadistic desires. Throw Ruka and me into her maelstrom of emotions...  
And it was going to be getting close to breaking point for her.

But she would not break openly, and that would make personas game that little but more exciting.

She knew exactly how twisted persona was.  
She also knew I stood no chance against this Neji I was supposed to 'remove'  
Hotaru had no idea what to do.

* * *

I had heard enough. I ran as fast as I could to personas office.  
I had to get the mission from Natsume.  
I did not care what I would have to do in order to get the mission from Persona.  
I did not care that I would end up in the hospital if I did get the mission.

I just had to keep Natsume from going.

* * *

_"So... I guess I'll just have to hope I come out of this alive?"_ It was a statement, but my tone indicated I was asking her a question.

_"There isn't really much else we can do."_ she mumbled into her knees.  
What seemed like an age passed in the space of a few seconds.  
I couldm't think of anything to add to the answer I had already anticipated.  
Hotaru too.

What do you say to a person who willingly walks to their death? Seriously, what can you possibly say to that?

_"Fuck… fuck… fuck… fuck… I HATE THIS PLACE! I HATE THAT MAN! HE IS FUCKING ENJOYING THIS! HE KNOWS I CANT DO ANYTHING! HE KNOWS I CAN'T!"_ I was jerked out of my thoughts by her sudden outburst; she was kicking and thumping the wall in frustration.  
Tears clearly streaming down her face.

She seemed to be ignoring it though; tears never seemed to bother Hotaru.  
She just ignored them as they streamed down her face like miniature waterfalls.  
She grit her her teeth in frustration, before thumping the wall one last time and collapsing to her knees again, still staring at the wall.

I felt I should probably offer some sort of sympathetic gesture, but I knew better.  
This was my fault in the first place for following them.  
If I tried to show her any sympathy right now, she would lash out at me, and tell me exactly what she though of me and Ruka's appearance here. And I knew she did not want to say that.

Hotaru may be a cold girl, but she is human.

She does not like hurting people, same as Mikan.  
If she lashed out at me, the guilt would gnaw at her for months.

So instead of offering any support, I turned away form her and turned towards her door instead.  
As my hand met the handle, I paused.

_"If you think of anything…"  
__"I know…"_

And with that, I walked out. Closing the door lightly behind me.


	4. Every Time

_Every time I try to fly,  
I fall without my wings  
I feel so small,  
I guess I need you_

I have never run so fast in my life, though I can think of a few times later on when I came close. I was oblivious to everything. I just had to get to Persona before Natsume left. I had to. Natsume didn't know what kind of mission this was!

Neji Tachibana was **Dangerous**.  
Neji Tachibana landed me in the ICU for a month.  
Neji Tachibana would rip Natsume apart in seconds.

It would be like swatting a fly to him.

I finally reached Persona's office and knocked a few times before almost barging my way in. Persona's smirked at me as I crossed the room. He had done this on purpose. I knew making deals with persona was a bad idea but I didn't care.

"_Give me Natsume's mission"_

He leaned back in his chair, still smirking.  
"_And why should I that?" _He asked mockingly. He was enjoying this.

"_You know why!" _I shouted banging my fists on his desk _"There's no way Natsume can handle Neji! I barley escaped with my life last time I went up against him! Killing Natsume will be as easy as breathing to him!"_

"_And? I fail to see how this is any concern of mine." _He inspected his nails, as if the conversation was beginning to bore him. I knew what I said net would be like admitting defeat but I said it anyway.

"_Natsume's no good to you dead is he?"_ He pretended to ponder this for a moment. Then the smirk came back.  
"_That's true… but I have other people I can manipulate should you begin to rebel…"_ Hotaru and Ruka…

"_I'll do whatever. Drugs, assassination missions, I'll even do the seduction missions if you want me to! Just give me that Mission!"_  
He had won.

My stealing Alice suddenly spiked. It's radar was picking up a new Alice user outside the door. I could tell from the wavelength it was a familiar one… one of my classmates? No… it was too familiar…

My eyes snapped towards the door, something persona noticed.  
"_something wrong?"_  
"_no… I thought someone… its nothing."_

He didn't look convinced but he ignored it. After ruffling through some files and folders he finally spoke again.  
"_There are some new amplification pills that need testing, along with a few other little odd jobs that need taking care of. If you'd be willing to volunteer I may be able to reassign the mission… What do you say little Hell Butterfly?"_

I winced inwardly at the use of my codename. It only heightened my resolve though. Codenames were only used on the really dangerous missions. As in, you breathe at the wrong time and you die kind of missions.

The top secret ones.

I couldn't even visualize Natsume surviving one of those missions. He was no weakling, nut he was no where near ready for a mission of that level. He hadn't even had a mission yet! This was above S-Rank! Assigning a newbie this level of mission was insane!

"_I'll do it"_  
"_Good Girl."_ He paused for a moment. _  
"You'll need your other alices, yes?"_ He asked.

Persona may be twisted and sadistic but her was no fool. He knew how much of a problem Neji would be. He'd been a thorn in his side for two years now. I Pulled off my t-shirt and turned around so he could release the restraints on my other alices.

My limiter took the form of a butterfly tattoo on the back of my left shoulder. I actually rather liked the design. It has folded wings and was etched onto my skin in a more flowing manner than just being printed on at random. The lines were nice and smooth. It was filled in black, but in the middle of the black wavy marks that made up the wings and body was a thin stripe of red. Almost hairline width.

It really was a brilliant piece of was the purpose it served an the connotations it had that I hated.

Altogether I had Ten Alices - Nullification and Stealing, Persuasion, Mind Reading, Techno-communication, Heat Manipulation, Explosion, Healing, Teleportation, and Shadow Manipulation. However, the six I'd stolen along with ¾ of my stealing Alice were kept inaccessible by the tattoo. Every time I stole a new Alice, it was automatically rendered inaccessible with the others when I returned from a mission.

"_How many?"_ Persona asked.  
"_I think I'll need all of them. I had 6 last time I bumped heads with Neji and he still put me in ICU for a month."_ Persona grunted in agreement. The only time he ever agreed with me was when it came to missions.

I hissed as the familiar burning sensation flared for a moment as my limiter was released.

"_Alright, you're done. Be at the main gate at 11. Bring your mask"_ he said robotically as I pulled my t-shirt back on.  
"_Yes sir."_ I replied before teleporting myself back to my room to prepare.

* * *

"_There are some new amplification pills that need testing, along with a few other little concoctions that need testing. If you'd be willing to volunteer I may be able to reassign the mission… What do you say little Hell Butterfly?"_  
"_I'll do it"_  
"_Good Girl."_

I turned and fled before either of them realized I had been eavesdropping. I had seen Mikan running faster than Hotaru's scooter towards the office building. Now I had a vague idea as to why. I had to stop her.

Unfortunately, I had no idea how I was going to do that. Mikan now had some extra Alices to choose from. And I was certain they weren't stolen for their ability to make candy-floss or pretty pictures. There was bound to be one that would render my own Alice ineffective in there somewhere. How was I supposed to stop her?

Oh sure, I could try call out a wildcat or something but what good would that do against Mikan? I wasn't going to doubt that shed kill whatever poor animal I called if it got in her way. Even as I child, Mikan would never let anything stop her from getting something. She wasn't spoilt. Shed just do anything she could to get around her obstacles.

I would be an obstacle.

I hadn't realised where my feet had been taking me until they stopped outside the door to Hotaru's lab. I always wound up going to her whenever something really problematic happened. Mikan always cheered me up, but that wasn't always what I needed. Sometimes a problem needed to be solved. And it was for those problems that I always found myself going to Hotaru.

And if ever there was a problem I needed to solve, it would be now.

"_Hotaru!"_ There was silence for a few moments.

"_HOTARU! MIKAN MAD A DEAL WITH PERSO-"_ I barley had time to register the door being opened before I felt myself being yanked into the room by the front of my jacket before the door was slammed behind me.

Hotaru grabbed onto my shirt with both hands before shaking me a bit. She was clearly well past breaking point. Her eyes had a slightly frantic look in them. Hotaru obviously knew something I didn't.

"_what did you just say?! What did Mikan do?!"_ she all but screamed at me.  
"_S-She made a deal with Persona… She took some mission that was originally for Natsume…"_ I blurted out. I really wish I hadn't done that now.

She began shaking, her whole body was trembling. She was clinging to the material of my t-shirt with a death grip, knuckles quickly turning white. She ban to shake her head back and forth…

"_no, no, no, no, no, no… NO! Why did she do that?! She knows what he'll make her do! If she does this he'll finally win! Why is she doing this?! We've worked so hard to avoid this! Why?!"_ As her hysteria increased she stopped talking to herself and directed the questions at me. She was openly crying now. She must've felt awful.

No doubt she and Natsume had tried to think of something to get him out of the mission and failed. Now Mikan. She probably had no clue. And it probably terrified her. She babble on and on and I knew I had to get her to calm down.

"_Because she loves Natsume."_ I don't think she was looking for an answer, but it seemed to calm her down. In fact she seemed to realise something since her eyes became very focused. She was back in the game, to some extent anyway.

"_He planned this."_ She bean to pace across her room. Most people took it to mean she was panicking, and in this situation she probably was to some extent, but it actually increased her concentration.

"_I though persona showing up out of nowhere after Natsume's fight was strange. Even if Natsume is a good fighter, there's no way he can handle an s-rank. Even Mikan and Tsubasa have trouble with them, and they've been given private training. Why would Natsume get an S-Rank that nearly killed Mikan right out of the blue?" _

she was talking to herself, but at the same time she was talking to me. Keeping me up to speed. The more I thought about her mutterings, the more I found confusion. She was right. It didn't make any sense at all. Why give Natsume, the Dangerous Ability class's latest greenhorn, a mission a veteran member could handle much more professionally?

"_I know he would have been given one eventually, there's no way he couldn't have after that outburst, but why now? Neji isn't going anywhere anytime soon, and it took months of planning before Mikan even made an attempt on him. So why is Natsume being given the same mission now, without any planning?"_

"_he knew Mikan would find out."_ I said quietly, comprehension slowly forming. It was so obvious once I thought about it.

"_Exactly. He knew Mikan would take Natsume's place. He knows that she'd do anything for his sake. Even if it meant cutting of her own head. I don't know how he does, but he can always pick up on things like that. No matter how much you try to hide it. that's what makes hiding things from him so hard. He knows how people will react to whatever stimuli he gives them."_

"_So he's turning Natsume into stimuli for Mikan...?"_ I hadn't met this Persona guy but from what i was hearing (and what I'd already heard) he was a dangerous kind of person. He knew how to twist peoples minds to suit his own ideals. And he would use any methods to get there. If he played his cards right, he'd probably be able to have Mikan happily jump off a cliff.

"_yes. He wouldn't have given her the mission if he though she couldn't handle it. He's probably been planning this since you came here. He's just been waiting fro the right time…" _I immediately felt the guilt wash over me. If we hadn't come here… I was about to say something but Hotaru gave me one of her rare smiles. She had forgiven us. Forgiven me. She understood.

"_but why does he want her to do this mission now? Why her? Why not someone else?" _I asked, my attention quickly returning to Mikan.

"_It's not the mission he wants her to do Ruka. You said Mikan made a deal with persona. He wants whatever he can make her do out of that. There's something specific he wants her to do. And he's going to hold this mission over her head as leverage"_

"_There are some new amplification pills that need testing, along with a few other little odd jobs that need taking care of. If you'd be willing to volunteer I may be able to reassign the mission… What do you say little Hell Butterfly?"_

His words echoed in my mind. His phrasing hadn't seemed anything out of the ordinary at the time - considering the situation at any rate. But now I was nit picking over the words 'little odd jobs'

They could mean anything.

"_what does he want?" _I was almost afraid to ask_.  
"I don't know" _My heart sank.

"_but I do know it has to do with the reason they came for Mikan in the first place." _I didn't ask what she meant. I knew she wouldn't tell me any more than was safe for me to know. I was in the most danger from the academy in a way.

Hotarus inventions brought in cash and sponsors. She probably made weapons for the Black operatives. Mikan and Natsume's uses were obvious. They had Alices with enough strength to do the Academy's dirty work. Whereas I had no such uses. My Alice wasn't like theirs. I couldn't bring in money, and it wasn't strong enough for a black ops position. I was expendable. The only reason they were keeping me alive was because of my relationship with Mikan and Hotaru. And now Natsume.

"_we cant tell Natsume. If he finds out it'll just make things worse."_ I nodded in understanding. I could tell from Mikan's earlier distress what kind of mission this was. And if Natsume went and didn't come back…

Mikan would do anything persona said. She'd punish herself for not stopping him.

"_we still have to stop her though."_ She frowned at this, and began to pace again. I heard her mumbling to herself. Pacing _and_ mumbling? Her brain must've been on overdrive.

As I watched her pace back and forth, I noticed just how much of beauty she was. I hadn't seen much of either her or Mikan since we got here, so I'd never really noticed it before. Not to mention my head was full of Mikan. But seeing her up close, I could clearly tell.

Her eyes were the same deep amethyst colour they had always been. But there was a sharpness there. A hard quality that came only from living through numerous emotional turmoil's and psychological imbalances. Add it to the cold demeanour she wore even amongst her friends, and there was an air of mystery around her. It made you want to get under her skin, but at the same time you didn't. she looked fragile.

She had a lithe figure, and wasn't all that tall. She barley hit the average. She looked almost too thin, an impression enhanced by her pale delicate skin. Her face, expressionless of course was graced with delicate features. Not like Mikan's strong ones. And her short black hair highlighted her skin colour all the more.

She almost looked like a china doll.

Unlike Mikan, whose good looks wee obvious even in childhood, Hotaru's were less noticeable, but that made her all the more interesting. And she was well aware of that, using it to her advantage. She blended into the background, but when she wanted something, she let a small smile grace her features. Any guy unlucky enough to see it would instantly become putty in her hand.

For some reason I wanted to get her to open up more to me. To shatter like the china doll she appeared to be. But hotaru would never shatter. Because she was a china doll made of steel. I was jerked out of my observations by the sound of her voice.

"_Ruka, how far will you go to stop Mikan from leaving?" _I hadn't been aware of it but she had been coming closer and closer to me. I didn't notice until she was right in front of me. All of a sudden I found myself staring directly into those cold, hardened amethysts. A small playful smile graced her lips… For some reason I suddenly found myself in a very precarious position.

"_what do you mean?" _I managed to speak after a few seconds of distraction.

"_I mean, what would you be willing to do to keep her safe?" _she took a few steps forward and I took a few steps back. I fell back over something soft. I realised I had backed into the bed she used when she spent the night inn here. For when she was working on the big projects.

"_anything"_ I managed to choke out, shuffling backwards. She sat down next to me, her gaze still focused on me. Once again I found myself examining the details of her face as she moved closer.

"_even if she doesn't love you? Even if she loves your best friend?"_ she leaned in closer, one hand resting down beside me. I gulped. She was getting too close to me for comfort. Her shirt was buttoned loosely, and I found myself staring down past the cotton fabric to her pale green bra…. HOLY SHIT! OH HELP! WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING?! I CANT PERV ON HOTARU! ILL DIE! SHELL KILL ME! BAD RUKA! BAD HORMONES!

"_Y-Yes…" _I stammered, it was almost impossible to keep myself from doing something that would result in something painful later on. Much to my despair she moved in closer, and I had to put a hand behind me to stop ,myself from falling over. It was only then I realised just how precarious our position was. God forbid any of the teachers should walk in.

She was almost on top of me! I was half held up by my own arm, but my ass and legs were on the bed. She had somehow managed to pin in this position by placing two hands either side of me. Even more worrying was the knee between my legs. It wasn't quite into the danger zone yet but it wasn't far off.

Shed positioned herself so that she was above me (making it all to easy for me to take a peek down her shirt.), and pining me in place at the same time. Her face was millimetres away from my own; I could feel her breath on my face. It was almost impossible to keep myself from leaning forward and kissing her, but I managed it. No matter how much my hormones screamed in protest.

"_really? Anything?"_ Oh. Dear. God. Why was I here again? I couldn't remember… I was too distracted… was it just me or was Hotaru trying to seduce me? Hotaru, ice queen (or bitch, as many of our classmates referred to her as), Mikan's best friend…

MIKAN!

"_Anything. I love her. I'd… err… I'd have sex with Natsume if it'd make her happy. It'd probably scar me for life but I'd do it. Nothing against gay guys but… na. Not my thing at all…. So yeah! I'd do anything for her! I'd shoot her with a dart gun if it'd keep her from getting hurt."_

And just like that, any effect shed had on me was gone.

There was silence as she contemplated my words. Then she smiled. A genuine smile, and she moved off me, allowing me to sit up properly. And I'm glad she did. Because if the hadn't, that one genuine smile would have sent me over the edge.

"_Good. Because we might need a dart gun to pull this off"_

I left Hotaru's slightly shaken up from that little encounter. I'd noticed something in it. Despite the fact I'd said I was in love with Mikan, my heart had been beating faster when I felt hotarus breath on my face. Not even a single touch on the hand from Mikan had done that before. I didn't stop to ponder it though.

Whether I loved her or not, I had to stop Mikan from leaving. For both her sake, and for Natsume. If something happened to either of them… I didn't want to deal with the possibility. As such I positioned myself at the start of the path leading towards the academy gates.

Mikan might want to go on this mission, but we didn't. And I wasn't about to let her leave without a fight.

* * *

It was raining when I left the dormitories. I could hear the patter of the water on the gravel path, mixed with the crunch noise my feet made when I walked. I hated the rain. It had been raining when my mother left.  
It had been raining on my first B-Rank. The first time I killed someone. It had rained the night I found out about Natsume's Alice shape.

I hated the rain. It seemed strangely appropriate though. I was walking to what could possibly be my death, and even if I survived Neji Tachbana I would still end up in hospital. I would still have to face whatever persona had planned for me. Who knows if I'd live through that.  
For once I didn't mind the rain.

As I walked along the pathway, I let my thoughts wander to Hotaru and Ruka. No doubt Hotaru was thinking up some sort of plot to keep me from leaving. My Alice had sensed an animal pheromone Alice hovering outside Persona's office. Two guesses at to who that had been. Knowing Hotaru, shed be tearing her hair out in frustration. Persona really had covered all the bases with this one.

If I didn't do the mission Natsume would.  
If Natsume hadn't agreed in the first place, persona would have used me as a human guinea pig.  
If I didn't let persona do just that, I wouldn't have been given the mission instead.

And whilst all this was happening, he was enjoying watching Hotaru rip her hair out trying to find a way out for both of us without overstepping the boundaries he and the academy had imposed on her. Something she would never be able to do.

I was almost too lost in my thoughts not to notice Ruka's presence. Almost, but not quite.

With my Stealing Alice at full capacity, I could have sensed the rather jumpy wavelength of Ruka's Alice a mile away. It was a cheery wavelength, like most of the pheromone types (though there were exceptions - like the insect pheromone Alice. Urgh, that one was disgusting), but the jumpiness was different. I supposed it was because Ruka's Alice worked on animals, and animals were jumpy. Either way it was very easy for me to pick up on.

He was waiting for me two thirds of the way from the gates. I couldn't see them yet. He had chosen his spot well. If something went wrong, there would be time for Hotaru or Natsume to follow me.

* * *

"_You're out late Ruka"_ I spoke, calling hiss attention.  
"_As are you Mikan."_  
"_Touché."_

Score one to him. There was silence as I waited for him to continue. He was the one who had been waiting for me to turn up, so I would let him continue. It was the polite thing to do.

Well, unless he took too long and I ended up being late meeting Persona at the school that happened, then I'd have to forego the politeness.

"_Why are you out so late Mikan?"_ He asked, not meeting my eyes._  
"I have a couple of errands to run."_ I evaded  
"_at this time of night?"_ He raised an eyebrow, though still didn't look me in the eye.  
"_yes. Is that a problem?"_  
"_depends on the errands."_

Another point to him. There was an awkward silence, filled by the sound of rain growing ever so slowly heavier. I decided to cut to the chase. There was no point in dancing around the subject. It was taking up too much time for me and it wasn't fair to Ruka. Despite my harsh tongue and uncaring actions he was one of my friends. He deserved better.

I would answer his questions as best I could.

"_Why are you here Ruka? What do you really want to say?"_

He sighed, before looking me directly in the eye for the first time that night.

"_Mikan… I can never be Natsume. I wont even try. Even when we were kids I knew you two would end up together one way or the other; I've accepted the fact that I'm never going to be anything more than a friend to you..."_ Wow. I never expected Ruka to confess. Not now, not ever. I guess I was blind to everything except Natsume.

_"But that doesn't mean I don't know how Natsume is going to react when he finds out you got persona to give you his mission"_

I froze. Ruka didn't seem to notice my shock. I wasn't really. I knew they would've found out eventually; nothing gets past Hotaru, but not this quickly.

"_How the hell did you find that out, bunny boy?!"_ I spat his nickname at him. Cruel, I know, but no one was supposed to know about my deal with persona. Besides, I couldn't afford to be nice here.

"_I overheard you talking to him. I know what persona get to do for changing the mission designation too."_  
"_Its not like I could refuse Ruka." _I spoke calmly this time. _"If Natsume takes this mission, there's no guarantee he'll survive even if he does come back. I'll probably be injured, but I'll survive."_

"_Mikan you don't know what those drugs will do to you! Do you have any idea how dangero-"_  
"_don't talk to me about dangerous Ruka! I know exactly what those drugs mean should something go wrong. But I've lived through them before, and I'll do it again. I have a healing Alice for situations like these"_

"_what do you mean… he's already used you as a test subject?"_  
"_Why do you think Hotaru isn't in the Dangerous Ability Class Ruka? Her Alice is easily powerful enough to be used for the Academy's more twisted plans. There's a reason she practically kills herself making those inventions."_

"_you took the drugs to keep Hotaru out?" _Ruka stared at me in disbelief.  
"_Yes, but the academy wasn't too happy with it. So now she has to make a certain amount of money for them each year instead. that's why she lets hardly anyone into her lab, sells all those photos or sells inventions. If she doesn't she gets stuck in anyway and she doesn't want the chance I got her to go to waste."_

"_She knows?"_  
"_she knows I made a deal with persona. But that's all. And you wont tell her Ruka."_  
"_Mikan she has a right to know!"_  
"_Not that she doesn't. If she knows what it took to keep her out she'll blame herself. It would almost kill her Ruka. Hotaru isn't fragile, but she tends to take things personally and double them. You will NOT tell her."_

I watched him as he contemplated this information. He knew hotaru almost as well as I did. He had always been closer to her than Natsume had, and he knew her character.

"_Fine. I wont tell her. But you know that Natsume will go of his wire when he finds out what you've done! Why are you doing this when you know what it will do to him? It will destroy him if you come back half dead. you've already admitted it's possible. Why are you still going through with this?"_

"_Because I'd rather have myself come back half dead, than have Natsume come back in a coffin."_  
"_you keep saying that he'll die on this mission, but isn't there a chance he could actually succeed?"_  
"_I'm not saying he'll fail the mission."_  
"_but-"_  
"_I'm saying it will take his life to get it done. Natsume wont dare fail persona since he told Natsume hed put me on the drugs if he failed."_  
"_but you're going on them anyway aren't you?! What's the difference?!"_  
"_THE DIFFERENCE IS BROKEN BONES CAN BE FIXED RUKA! A DEAD BODY CAN'T!"_

Ruka stared at me in shock. He opened his mouth to tell me the same thing again, but I interrupted him.

"_I know that Natsume is going to blame himself for this. Its what he does. It's what we ALL do. But he'll get past it. Those drugs wont kill me. I'm too useful for the academy to let me die that easily. But this mission will kill him. I know what kind of person this mafia guy is. I've dealt with him before. If I hadn't stolen a teleportation Alice a few weeks earlier I wouldn't even be standing here Ruka. Natsume cant handle this mission."_

"_He'll have back-up though! Persona told him that!"_  
"_So did I! Even with back up and 6 different Alice's I still ended up in the ICU for a month! Even with all that my brain was still poking out of my skull! I'm lucky I didn't have anything more than a bit of temporary memory loss!"_

He stared at me stunned. I bit my tongue slightly. I hadn't meant to reveal that piece of information. Thankfully It seemed to have had an effect.

"_this mission is dangerous Ruka. Really Dangerous. But I've got some experience with this guy. I have a chance of getting through this in one piece. I'll have a few injuries but at least I have a high survival rate."_  
"_why are you doing this Mikan? Besides keeping Natsume out of harms way?"_  
"_Its simple Ruka, if he doesn't come back… I wont have any reason to be here either. When it comes right down to it… if Natsume's dead, not even you and Hotaru are enough of a reason for me to stay. As much as I love both of you… if Natsume is alive… then this world is nothing to me."_

"_Do you honestly mean that? You'd kill yourself if Natsume died? You love him that much?"_  
"_I'll do anything to keep Natsume alive Ruka. Anything. Even if I have to learn something from scratch, or sell myself, or… or even kill you! If you were a threat to him, or your existence was a danger to him… I wouldn't hesitate to kill you! I'd hate myself for it… dear god how I would hate myself for it… but I'd still do it Ruka! I need Him! I cant live without him!"_

He stared at me in shock as the tears streamed down my face in waterfalls. I'd never actually thought about how much Natsume meant to me but it was coming out right now. Just the thought of him being dead made me want to kill myself. How painful would it be if it was reality?  
It scared me, when I realized I hadn't been lying when I said I'd kill Ruka if he threatened Natsume's life. I thought it had just been gibberish to make him get out of the way… but I actually meant it.

Ruka, sweet, kind, Ruka. I would gladly kill him if it was a choice between the two. It would rip me apart, it would come close to destroying the little part of the real Mikan that still existed. But if it meant Natsume would still be here, even if he hated me for it, I'd gladly do it.

Whether Natsume returned my feelings or not was no an issue for me. It just doesn't matter. Even if he marries some blonde from America, or even Hotaru, not likely (she scares the shit out of him) but still… even if I was in no way part of his life like that… I'd still do anything to keep him alive.

_I needed him._  
Even if I wasn't 'Mikan'. Even if I was corrupted. Even if I was Twisted. Even if I was Tainted. Even if I wasn't the person he was looking for any more. Even if I was wasn't good enough for him…  
_I needed him._

I was stupid for even thinking it. I hadn't seen him for years. And all of a sudden he pops up out of nowhere and I'm loosing my mind trying to keep him out of harms way? Absolutely idiotic! we had been close in our childhood, but hadn't all that been a mask as well? I'd hidden my stealing Alice from him, from everyone, and hidden the fact I was on the run from the Academy. I'd had a chance to smile and be normal for once yes. But in the end, it hadn't even been real.

I told myself this many times, but it still didn't change didn't change the fact that I felt like the world was ending when I saw Natsume coughing up his own blood.

I felt Ruka's arms around me._  
"I get it Mikan. Even if you don't love me, it doesn't mean I don't understand. I'd probably do the same. But still…"_ I already knew what he was planning. Id seen Hotaru's miniature sleep-bomb in his palm a while ago. I activated the Persuasion Alice my mother had left me before she disappeared.

_"sleep."_

It took effect immediately and Ruka immediately slumped to the ground. I caught him before he whacked his head on the concrete and laid him down, gently. I didn't bother looking back and headed to the Academy gates where persona would be waiting for me.

* * *

**_dear god this chapter was a bitch to write! seriously! I had the ending figured out when I was planning this. I have most of the major events planned out, its the bits around them that are giving me grief. I knew I would have ruka confronting mikan and confessing, everything from there was planned but the rest of it? not one did hotaru seducing ruka enter my mind, though I will admit it was fun. not to mention a slight break from the gloomishness that makes up half of this story. I'm still not completley happy with it, but I really don't want to write anything else for this chapter. for some reason it irritated me. no natsumikan this time, but there will be plenty next chapter! I guarantee this!_**

**_the song quote was every time, by Britney Spears. I'm not fond of her, but that is a beautiful song. she should do some like that more often. its depressing, but most of the songs I like are depressing so what do i care?_**

**_I am not a review whore, but I have written over 26000 words in four chapters! I put sweat and blood into this fic (and I did put blood into it, since i got a paper cut planing the next chapter and it got all over my laptop!) and I have 3 measly reviews? please! I need more feedback! is it good? is it bad? too boring? what?!_**

**_(to the people who reviewed, I love you and consider yourselves the owners of 20 virtual muffins each of various virtual flavours.)_**

**_Ok, I'm done ranting.  
over and out!  
Natarii._**

**_(Please review! T_T;)_**


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